Miles apart (Man × Man) ✔

45) f r i g h t e n e d

Miles sat on the kitchen counter, tapping a beat with his heel against the cabinet door. They had found a turntable and a bunch of old records from a yard sale with less than 25 dollars. Miles' favorites of those were The Wall from Pink Floyd, which was playing then, and Louder Than Bombs from The Smiths. 

Ash had gone to get more snacks from a corner store, while Miles finished the last minute cleaning by vacuuming and wiping the surfaces. It wasn't necessary, as the apartment was already spotless, but it was another habit learned from his dad. 

Miles still dreaded that any minute he would walk in and start complaining about the mess. He still lived like Anthony was around dictating his every move, but Ash prodded him to try new things.

Miles' favorite from the album wasn't Another Prick In The Wall, Pt. 2 or even Hey You, but a song called Comfortably Numb. It was about drugs, but for Miles, even though he had used alcohol to numb his pain and insecurities in the past, it had a different meaning. 

His numbness was a soft and mellow nothingness. It was neither good or bad, just something that gave him a break from his heightened emotions. Miles wasn't sure what the numbness meant or what it was trying to tell him, but he knew it had had a more constant presence in his life ever since Eliana died and he walked away from his dad. There were three lines in the song, Miles always sang along:

"The child is grown, 
The dream is gone, 
I have become comfortably numb"

Last week, when Avi had come to visit them and to fix the boiler, he had said someone was waiting by the stairway door. The man had asked to be let in because he wanted to see his son. Even before Avi had described what the man looked like, both Miles and Ash had known who he was.

Anthony was relentless with his efforts to get Miles to talk to him again. He still texted and called him daily, even though Miles no longer read the messages or answered the calls. At first he was all sweet, all flattering and oh so loving, but when that didn't work he turned to threats and guilt-tripping. When that didn't work he, apparently, decided to find out where Miles and Ash lived. 

Miles had cursed and buried his face in his hands, while Ash explained who the man was and why he was not to be let in. Avi had offered, furious for Miles' sake, to go out and tell Anthony to fuck off, but Miles had persuaded him to not go. 

There was no arguing with his dad, there was no winner but him in his perfect world. There was simply waiting for him to give in, to see that there was no way back into Miles' life. He would give in eventually, as Miles reassured himself. 

Instead they stayed in and drank tea in the kitchen, talking about Eliana. Most of the time Avi and Ash circled around the topic, without actually mentioning her. They talked about old pictures and not about her pictures, yet it was all about her in those pictures. They talked about the emptiness of the house, but not about who was missing from there. 

Mostly Miles just listened to them talking, fascinated about their way to speak about something by not speaking about it. It was also his way of letting them grieve in peace. He still felt like it wasn't his grief to grieve, even though he was grieving the loss of her all the same.

Before Avi left, he had handed Miles a card of his lawyer friend, just in case he was in need of one. Miles had told him there really was no need, but he kept the card anyway. He was endlessly grateful for Avi, who had no real obligation to take care of him, but who still did so.

Anthony knowing their address was one of the reasons Miles was reluctant to leave the apartment. He was terrified of stepping outside just to find Anthony waiting for him behind the corner. And so, Miles rather stayed in polishing the apartment and singing along to the old records.