The one he bullied

9. The realization

"Pwede ba Kerky, huwag kang mageskandalo dito?" 

Bahagyang itinulak ni Hanna si Kerky. Tiningnan niya si Hanna na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala sa nagaganap. She actually thinks that he was making a scene? Kailan pa naging eskandalo ang pagsasabi ng "I love you" sa girlfriend niya? Hindi naman na kasi niya kayang itanggi sa kanyang sarili. Kaya ng siya nagkakaganito, kaya nga hindi siya mapakali sa tuwing hindi niya ito nakikita, kaya nga hnasasaktan siya sa pambabale-walang ginagawa nito sa kanya. Mahal niya ito. He was in love with Hanna. Hindi naman niya ginusto na mahalin ang babaeng parang hindi naman siya mahal at hindi siya binibigyan ng halaga ay wala naman na siyang magagawa. He fell in love with Hanna, deep and hard and he couldn't take his heart back anymore. 

"I'm not making a scene." he said. Damang-dama niya ang sakit sa kanyang puso. "I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I love you. We never said it to each other before and now, I'm telling you. I love you." Pilit niyang hinuhuli ang mga mata ni Hanna. Nag-iwas ito ng tingin sa kanya. He tried holding her pero tinabig nito ang kanyang kamay. 

"Ano ba?!" she screamed at him. "Why don't you just leave?!" 

He stepped backward. Why is she doing this to him? She was asking him to leave? Tiningnan niya si Hanna mula ulo hanggang paa. Then he smirked. 

"You don't love me." he said. It wasn't a question. It was a fact, a statement. It was the truth. Iyong katotohanan na hindi niya kayang aminin sa kanyang sarili. Hindi siya mahal ni Hanna. Wala itong nararamdaman para sa kanya. Pero bakit siya nito sinagot kung wala pala itong nararamdaman para sa kanya? Naawa lang ba ito sa kanya or was it because of something else? Kung anuman iyon ay ayaw na niyang alam sapagkat lubos lang naman siyang masasaktan kung sakali man na marinig niya. Tama na iyong hindi siya nito mahal. Tama na iyong wala siyang halaga rito. Hindi na niya gustong marinig kung bakit. All he knew right now was how painful it was to know that the one you love doesn't love you back.

"Umalis ka na, Kerky." mariing sabi ni Hanna sa kanya. Napailing siya. Hindi niya masyadong naiintindihan ang nangyayari. ang tanging alam lang niya ay masakit sa pakiramdam ang lahat. He found himself walking aimlessly at the sidewalks of the metro. Hindi na niya alam kung gaano na kalayo ang kanyang nalakad. All he could think about was that cold expression Hanna had on her face noong pinaaalis siya nito. 

Ang hirap tanggapin na hindi siya nito mahal. 

"Kerky?" isang tining ang nagbalik sa kanya sa reyalidad ng buhay. He looked up and there he saw Nathan. Nagulat siya nang makita ito. He looked around him and he realized that he was inside a hospital, he was standing in front of Nathan's clinic. Tulad niya ay mukhang nagulat rin ito. He smiled. 

"Bok..." he said to him. Nathan used to be a Pastel. But he had to leave the band for good because he wanted to pursue his medical career. Now, Nathan's one of the most renowned neuro surgeon in the country.

"Bok, anong ginagawa mo dito?" Nathan asked him. He shook his head. Niluwagan ni Nathan ang bukas ng pintuan ng clinic nito at saka binalingan ang secretary. "Cancel all my appointments today." matapos iyon ay isinara nito ang pinto. 

Kerky sat on the couch near Nathan's table. Mukha namang alalang-alala sa kanya ang kaibigan niya. Humatak ito ng silya at saka umupo sa harapan niya. 

"You look shit, Kerks. What the hell happen?" 

"I'm in love." he said flatly. Napamulagat naman si Nathan. 

"So, what's the problem?" Nathan asked him. He shrugged. Sa totoo lang ay hindi niya alam kung anong problema. Problema bang matatawag ang hindi pagmamahal sa kanya ni Hanna? 

"Hindi yata niya ako mahal." mahinang sabi niya. Nathan made a face. 

"Why the hell did you come to me, Antonio? I'm a nuero surgeon. Not a psychologist. If you want some advice then you should've gone to Lex. His the psycho one.. I mean the psychologist." 

"Lex maybe a psychologist but he doesn't know anything about love." malumanay na wika niya. Nathan smiled. 

"Then ask Caleb. He's the believer." 

"He maybe a believer but he's also broken hearted." he sighed. "I need someone sho could understand me. Someone who will listen. And that someone is you. Hindi ko nga alam na dito pala ako nagpunta. I was walking aimlessly, ni hindi ko alam kung gaano na kalayo. All I knew was I needed to be far away from Hanna, because as long as she's near me, I couldn't avoid the fact that she doesn't love me." 

"Hanna?" kunot noong tanong ni Nathan. "As in Freaky Hanna? Your Freaky Hanna?" 

"Yes..." 

"You're in love with freaky Hanna?" 

"We'll she's not as freaky as you imagine her to be. Plus she's such a good person. She's sweet, she has a good heart and those were the reason why I fell in love with her... I guess."

"Hanna... freaky Hanna..." inulit-ulit ni Nathan ang pangalan ni Hanna. Nagtataka naman akong tumingin sa kanya. He looked as if something had hit him. He looked as if he just realized something. 

"What's wrong?" he looked at him with disbelief in his eyes. 

"You said, you think that Hanna doesn't love you. Hindi mo ba naisip na baka she made you fall for her so she can have her revenge? Poetic justice, kumbaga." 

Napalis ang lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman niya sa pagkakataong iyon. He stared at Nathan for a while then he thought about almost all the time and the moments he had spent with Hanna. Her sudden coldness, her rudeness and the fact that she was trying to hurt him. 

"Fuck!" bigla siyang napatayo. 

"And now you know." Nathan said grinning. 

"Naghihiganti siya sa akin? Hindi pwede iyon, Bok! naghalikan na kami! Three times!"