♠ ♦ Alice in Borderland ♣ ♥

33

For two days I've been trying to find the words to tell Soran what choice I've made. Now the time has come when I will have to tell him without that preparation.

'Kairi,' Soran continues with his lengthy speech to convince me that he will "also" register for tonight's game, 'I will not leave you alone tonight, especially now that tomorrow is an important day.' He wants to make sure we get to Kaito's memorial together, according to our calendar.

'Soran, can I please talk to you?'

'If you mean to persuade me not to help you tonight, you can't.' I can't swallow the lump in my throat. He's willing to do anything to help me, even if he's risking his own life to do so. I don't deserve that. I withheld important information from him, something I should never have done. 'Come on,' Soran says, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me into the lobby, 'before we're too late.'

'Soran!' He is so stunned that I raise my voice so much that I'm able to tear my arm free. 'We're not going to play a game tonight. Not you, and neither am I!' He frowns at me. 'Don't be silly, Kairi, we have to. Tomorrow your visa expires and then–'

'My visa doesn't expire tomorrow,' I stammer, my throat burning and my eyes stinging. I quickly avert my gaze before anyone in the lobby can see. I'm sure he'll follow me after my statement, so I quickly move myself through the halls, doing my best to control my breathing. As soon as we are in an empty room and he has closed the door, I don't dare to look at him.

'What do you mean your visa doesn't expire tomorrow?' he mumbles. 'The days of the six of clubs and two of diamonds are over.' No matter how many times I swallow, and no matter how hard I try to force back my tears, it only seems to backfire. 'Kairi, those days are over.' I shake my head wildly and force myself to turn and face him. She who is tough enough to hide it from him must also be tough enough to look at him when she breaks his heart. 'I've got four more days,' I say in a whisper as the first tears begin to roll down my cheek, 'because I played another game.'

'What?' he mumbles in astonishment. 'Another game? When?' He steps forward and wants to take my hand, but I don't deserve to be comforted by him. I tilt my body backwards. 'That night when you suddenly had to play a game and leave with Yuki, Aguni and Last Boss.'

'That night you weren't there when we got back...' he stammers, to which I nod. 'I wanted to, Soran, I really wanted to, but I couldn't, because I wasn't back from my game yet...' Wiping away the tears makes no sense, because new ones keep coming. 'I made you play that game so suddenly! I gave you that fright!' I'm aware that I'm speaking in an angry tone. Hopefully he realizes it's for myself. 'I'm sorry Soran, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have hidden it from you! I should have told you right away! When you thought I wasn't waiting for you to come back because I'd be disappointed in you... Soran, whatever you do, I'll always wait for you to come back and I'll never rest easy until I see you get out of that car.'

Clearly confused he shakes his head. 'Kairi, wait, start at the beginning. Why did you play a game I didn't know about?' Suddenly I feel so weak that I can barely reach the couch before my body collapses. 'After the two of diamonds... After Yuki and I came back without Kenshin, Ringo wanted to talk to me. He said I would be an asset to "the elite", a group of strong and smart players who made sure that Hatter would clear the games.'

'"Made sure"?' Soran mumbles as he sits down next to me on the couch. 'Does that group no longer exist?' I shrug. 'I don't know exactly, I haven't heard anything about it since...'

'Since?' he insists when I stop talking. 'Since Hatter died,' I add grudgingly. 'What? Hatter is dead?!' This is a mess. I don't know where to go next or how to explain about how I got into this. Soran seems to realize that, because he's trying to help me. 'Ringo wanted you in that group,' he repeats, to which I nod, sobbing. 'He made it look like it was an offer for me to consider. In exchange for that service, he would make sure that you, Yuki and I would get a better number.'