♠ ♦ Alice in Borderland ♣ ♥

28

The fact that the Beach executive members are the only people who know that I will be putting my life on the line tonight, makes me feel incredibly lonely.

All afternoon I've been wondering if it wouldn't be better to tell Soran, but then I can picture the guilt being engraved on his face if I did. I am quite sure that he will blame himself for the fact that I'm now attached to the elite in order to protect him. But he's not the only one I'm trying to protect.

I run my eyes through the lobby and come to Yuki, who's searching the room. The thought that he might be looking for me gives me another blow of grief. I quickly look away and make myself smaller by leaning against the wall and crossing my arms. He thinks I had him involved in my demands because of his connection to my parents, when the reality is I just don't want to see him damaged. That I worried about him long before I found out about that connection.

I'd love to go to one of them, but I'm afraid I won't be able to hide it anymore. Yuki knows about the elite, but he's unaware that I'm leaving tonight to join a game. And Soran... I'm sickened by the fact that I sentenced him to join a game tonight, whilst he doesn't know anything about it yet. The guilt builds as I watch him and the other boys try to keep Reo calm.

Shit, we never should've come here.

'Hey,' Yuki mumbles when he comes to stand next to me. 'Hello,' I say formally, trying not to look at him. I'm sure it will bring me a new wave of nausea and worry. He makes it difficult for me by standing in front of me. His face is tense with anxieties for tonight. 'I'm sorry I just walked out this afternoon,' he mumbles, scratching behind his ear uncomfortably. 'It's just... I don't know, I just didn't expect you to react like that and it kind of overwhelmed me.'

'I understand,' I reply, 'you didn't have to apologize for that.' He looks at me inquiringly and immediately sees through my attitude. 'Something happened, didn't it?' he says dejectedly. 'You're not feeling well.'

I'm about to get wet eyes from the fact that he sees that something is wrong with me so quickly and that he's worried about me, but I force myself not to let that happen. My throat starts to burn very badly. I swallow and then nod at him. 'I'd be glad when this evening is over,' I mumble. He doesn't ask about it, but keeps looking at me with a concerned look in his eyes. Then he stands next to me and there's a silence, but his presence still makes me feel supported.

I look nervously at Soran as Niragi stands by the railing on the first floor and tries to silence the group. My heart is in my throat. Yuki notices that my body is shaking, but he doesn't say anything about it.

'Beachers,' Hatter says as he centers himself, 'it's that time again tonight! Not only are some of you going to play a game, but I will also commit myself to collecting the cards again!' Most of the crowd reacts as if they have just been blessed by God. 'I expect to see you again tonight!' There's loud cheering and clapping.

Yes, or course he assumes that. He knows that there will be a whole team around him, ready to protect him and ensure that he lives. I wonder how much he will try to solve for himself tonight and how much he will leave to us.

'Now the groups,' Hatter says, nodding at Niragi. I see an annoyance in Niragi's eyes, but then he pushes it away and centers himself. 'Car one,' he begins. He lists a series of names and cars. When I see Ringo looking at me from the first floor, I look back at him. A doubt begins to arise in me. He did say we need each other and it's in his best interest to keep me happy, but how much can I really trust him? I think we'll find out.

When Reo is assigned to three strangers to me, I breathe a sigh of relief. I see Yuki looking at me, but I don't look back at him. In any case, Ringo has kept to the agreement to move Reo elsewhere. I look at my former group and see Reo taking on a tough attitude. He doesn't seem too concerned about the names mentioned, but I think that's a smokescreen. I can see from him that he is terrified that he will be the one not to come back this time. Kenshin was the perfect example of realizing that it could end at any moment for any of us.