A Harry Potter Spin-Off - The Dark days

Chapter 29: Its prep time...

September 25th and the half-way house was slightly empty save for the rebellious students and runaways staying with me whilst the rest of them went back to school. I couldn't go to see my sister off or the others as I myself am being hunted, and the safest place for my sister is Hogwarts for now, they may mock her bit she'll survive, I've raised her right to never stop fighting. I get to scout now and again to try and save as many people as I can but I don't always make it. The Order is scarce to say the least for now, I'm still hopeful that we'll beat this, that the war will have a positive outcome. Remus, Tonks, Molly, Arthur and other Order members do use my house as a base for meetings and operations. I run it along with the other elder ex-Hogwarts students or those that refused outright to go back, they helped me prep the others, try to give them some normality in these grim times.

Even though I was worried for a lot of people, my main thought was how the golden trio were holding up? And if they knew what they were doing? If they were succeeding? Or worst if they had already perished and the end was coming closer for us all?. Shaking my head, I turned my wand back and forth in my hands as I sat against the wall outside Cedric's old room, I find myself sitting here lost in thought more often than not, wondering what death is like?. I know I shouldn't because I will survive this, but I can't help but feel as if I'd be greeting an old friend, I don't feel scared to die, I mean I don't want too but it's a possibility and I have to come to terms with it-whether certain people like it or not. I didn't notice the snowflakes falling onto me til Tonks sat down joining in my solace bubble.

It was quiet for awhile, she gave me time to adjust to her presence next to me before stating, "you need to stop, Jessica, this isn't you, you don't curl up into your own head for a safety net when I know you can land on all fours. You miss him don't you?" I took on her words and nodded my focus never leaving my wand, "yes every atom of me misses him. I miss him everyday, and if this is what hope feels like then I do not want it. Not if it causes this numbness to the world around us, this bloodlust that boils through my body and makes me want to scream like a banshee." Tonks patted my shoulder saying, "this too shall pass...and we'll be better for it. Molly says George &Fred are on the run with Lee Jordan, they've set up radio talks with order members in different locations so their always on the move and their together, but I do get what your feeling....it's the same with Remus when he's off having all the fun and I'm here looking like a bloated narwhal." Looking at her as she smiled I chuckled along with her at the stupidity of it all. "How is the baby? I know I haven't really said much of it but that's only because I knew you'd still want to be the old Tonks not the narwhal as you've elegantly put it." I asked genuinely curious about her well-being and if I was being a sucky friend cos of it. Tonk sighed and held a hand to her stomach before saying, "the baby's fine so far, just not liking the mood swings if I'm honest makes me hair go all funny every 10 minutes and he eats a lot too takes after his father...but overall I'm fine just keeping it mum as they say...Molly's been great with tips and my parents too but I miss being able to do all the things I could do not just sit at home gorging on a chocolate digestives and shepards pies? But I do get to watch tv and do a lot of muggle things you know. I'm just glad that we've come this far, Remus me and the baby and well go on further too so I can see him grow up to be the man I know to be. Here do wana feel him?" Tentatively, I gave Tonks my left hand and placed it on her burgeoning stomach, waiting for a few minutes I felt a kick against my hand smiling at the miracle that happened, I felt something twinge inside me as I took in Tonks' motherly nature as she gazed at her stomach adoringly, I felt happy and yet I couldn't shake off this feeling, whatever it is I continued to share this moment with Tonks and her baby before she asked me, "This was Cedric's room wasn't it? That's why you've been sitting here for the past few days trying to seek comfort in his memory. I'm sorry you know...I'm sorry for you losing him I know now that he was a dear friend of yours almost say you loved him." I looked at Tonks not needing to say anything as she took in the tears in my eyes she held her arms out and I went to them curled up against her side hugging her seeking as much comfort and strength as I could because I had to get a grip over it and right now I was being selfish. Breathing deeply I stood up and wiped the tears away ashamed of myself for caving at times like this, I held my hand for Tonks to take and gently pull her up before we descended the stairs into the kitchen.