September 30th

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Today was Friday which had everyone at school pretty excited. They were talking about the football game later tonight and it's "red-out" theme. Hearing everyone's excitement made me excited even though I knew I wasn't going. I had a strange fantasy of some handsome boy coming up and asking me, picking me up in his car and we'd go for ice cream afterwards. I didn't know anything about football honestly but I would learn if I got the chance to go out.

Instead I'm home alone again just like before the accident. Honestly I'm actually grateful for that. I'm getting tired of having both my parents under the same roof, coming home afraid of whatever mood mother might be in. I was used to being alone even though all these years I was begging to be let out. Look where it got me! Haha. I learned my lesson.

I made myself a bowl of cereal and plop myself onto the couch as I'm writing this. If mother was here she'd for sure be mad about this but finally the house is quiet, back to its normal, safe air.

I was scrolling through channels and my heart stopped... I don't even know how to write this.

There was a gigantic explosion in California today- Senator and family dead with one daughter being unaccounted for. The clips kept cutting to a shaking camera with screaming and words were bleeped out every other second. They had this giant blur covering a puddle of redness. I feel sick. It's taking me back to what happened... I shouldn't be watching this I already can't sleep and these stupid nightmares are going to have a field day with this new material for sure.

There was a fire, blazing, towering over crowds of people still running away. I wonder what they must be thinking and feeling in that moment.

It finally cut to the family to the family in their headlines, talking about how forty people are dead in text right below their picture. They were all smiling with dark skin that seemed to glow in the gold and white they all were wearing. Their mom was beautiful- her smile so big with her hands gripped around the shoulders of her two girls. Both girls were quite tall, one with tight curly hair while the other wore her hair in braids. They looked so happy.

The air shifted when I realized something. Their momher eyes... they seemed to glow. They were unnaturally silver in color. I don't think I can do this. Maybe I'm not as okay as I thought.

I accidentally knocked my bowl to the ground and turned off the TV. I couldn't even think about the mess I just created. Why are their eyes silver? It's like mother said, eyes can't be silver. I imagined it. It's not real. He isn't coming back for me.

The energy never went back to normal after that. I went to my room, turned off the lights and pulled the covers over my face. I'm afraid to stop writing and be alone in my thoughts and listen to the sounds of my open house. Never cleaned up that cereal either but I couldn't move.

Until tomorrow I guess. I hope. Goodnight.

Love always, Ayla.

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