The Insurgence: Bleeding Silver

Paragraphs Of Squiggly Lines

         October 2nd         

I woke up to the sound of a tap on glass. My eyes shot open and darted around my room, my body frigidly still under the covers, paralyzed with new fear. The tapping ended swiftly— obviously whatever it was didn't intend to make a sound and now I wonder if they can tell I'm awake. It's too dark to see anything. I hear the roar of water, the crickets chirping. The house was still but the air was thick. I couldn't breathe. It was as if a weight was pushed onto my chest...suffocating me. He's here right now. He's come back for me.

Slowly, I sat up and looked around my room. I could only see outlines and shadows of my surroundings, reflections of metal objects, light peaking through my door...

"Father?" I called, startling myself with the new break in silence. The door didn't move. I couldn't hear the peaceful ambiance outside anymore, it was replaced by my own thumping heartbeat.

My stomach shifted at the sound of breathing. My body tightened and froze, waiting for it to stop or for something to move— I don't know which is worse.

I didn't turn my head. This was just a nightmare. My eyes carefully peeled to the side of my room, my breath wavering as I tried to keep still and calm. Nothing but a total blanket of darkness but the audible heavy breathing continued on.

      It's the dark just playing tricks on me. The funeral has me on edge. Everything is fine. He's not back.

-

Yesterday was Calvary's funeral.

It's been almost a month since the accident. Last night did nothing but amplify my paranoia. I saw it in every face I locked eyes on and wondered if it was here for me, wearing the face of a classmate or a random civilian. I don't know what happened after I woke up, at some point I fell asleep again and when I woke up to the sound of my alarm I found my mirror cracked down the center.

         I've tried to distract myself in all the healthy ways Mr. Zetty suggested and in general what Google told me but my situation... I'm afraid it's getting worse. This isn't something normal that drinking a couple glasses of water can fix. My God I think I'm losing my mind and everyone is just... normal. Laughing, smiling, eating. I'd kill to have some dramatic plot from a show meant for teenagers going on right now than this constant sick, drained feeling.

         Google said to clean, Google said to journal and I've been but I don't think that's doing anything but reminding me of all these haunting questions I will never be able to get answers too.

I'm tired of being sad all the time. Of being alone and scared.

"Ayla?"

         I partially gasp and quickly release my grip from the edge of the table, my hands had turned white from how hard I was holding on, as if I was holding on for dear life. A smack of Darla's hand on my bare wrist snapped me back to the present.

         "Sorry!" I forced a high pitched, terribly fake laugh. "Just in my own little world over here." I looked down at my hands, the crease in the skin from the hard surface, the color slowly fading back in. I think it's all getting worse.

          Lunch was my least favorite part of the day, where at least during class I could mind my own business and be alone. At lunch I had to socialize and worse, with Darla's friends who made it painfully obvious they don't want me there.

          They all talked about the boys that they liked, gossip floating around, all the drama within their lives. Anything that they feel makes them feel abnormal I would kill for. I walk around being the one everyone's talking about, I go home with all I know by myself and no one will listen and I just can't take it anymore.