I Need You Now

Crash

Crash

I woke up feeling like there was a balloon in my chest, constantly expanding – but it felt kind of good. Eli’s arms were still wrapped firmly round my middle and I smirked playfully to myself as I rolled into him and started to kiss his neck. I felt his arms constrict around me and I glanced up to catch sight of an adorable little smile on his face. I moved up to kiss his cheek and his chin, but when I reached up to kiss his mouth he tilted his face up out of my reach, a giggle escaping the corner of his mouth. Pushing myself up away from him I stared at him, my mouth open in overdramatic shock.

Eli’s eyes creased up cutely as he laughed before he opened his eyes. When he did he poked his tongue out at me while I just raised my eyebrows. Shifting his hands from around me, he made a heart in front of his chest with his hands and mouthed “I love you”, pouting at me until I gave in and rolled back down to lie across from him with a chuckle.

“Cute,” I told him and he grinned goofily. Leaning forward I swiftly kissed his lips. “Ha, I win!” I said triumphantly and watched the mock outrage on his face.

“That’s like, abuse.” He said, making me laugh harder at the hurt look he was giving me.

“Hardly,” I snorted. “More like…. sweet torture.” I said and he looked thoughtful for a moment.

“That sums you up pretty well,” he admitted after a pause.

“Thank you?” I said, not sure whether that was a compliment or not.

“No problem.”

We lay there for a moment, taking each other in and deliberately not thinking about the fact that I no longer had him to fall back on every week when I really needed him most. The effort of not thinking about him leaving made my head hurt and I reached out to grab onto Eli’s hand, loving how natural it felt to feel his skin against mine. Closing my eyes I breathed in his smell, and smiled at how much this felt like home.

“You look happy.” He sounded surprised.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, opening my eyes and shuffling closer. He looked confused for a moment before realization dawned colourfully on his face.

“You forgot.” He said, and I just stared blankly at him, still none the wiser. He didn’t speak, just looked slightly pained, willing me to remember on my own with his eyes. “Rim, do you know what day it is?”

My mind searched blankly for the date but all I knew was that I was safe and warm there in his arms. I shook my head.

“Rim, it’s the eighth of July.”

Shock reverberated throughout my body, making me freeze. That date was ingrained into my memory, forever branded onto my brain.

“No, I… Eli, Adam!” my head was scrambled and I gripped Eli’s hand for dear life. He caught my frantic gaze with his steady eyes and held it there, giving me something to fixate on.

“Rim,” he started, his face serious and earnest. “You look like a rabbit.”

“What?” I asked, distracted from my original train of thought. Eli shook his head in confusion.

“Sorry,” he muttered, “you just looked so startled, I don’t know where that came from.”

I chuckled nervously but I could still feel the panic buzzing nauseatingly through my system.

Adam’s memorial service. He’d died a year ago today.

And I forgot.

“You don’t have to go, Rim, it’s completely up to you.” Eli murmured and I nodded along, frozen again with dread.