I Need You Now

Anywhere But Here

And this is where the drama happens!! :D

Anywhere But Here

I stood outside the blue door, nervously eyeing the flaking blue paint and wincing internally as the music pumping from inside made my chest thump. I almost turned away, but something in my head urged me forward, made me step through Amber’s front door into a whirlwind of people drinking, dancing, making out. Again I almost ran but I kept it together, promising myself that I’d leave before it got too much. I took a deep breath, not a good idea as I consequently inhaled enough smoke to fill my stomach, and I’m not sure it was all tobacco.

I set myself a mission; try and find Amber. I began tentatively brushing past people, searching for her familiar mop of purple hair in amongst all the unfamiliar faces and bodies, and tried to think over the noise of the immense sound system someone had set up in the corner. The bass thumped, making a lump form inside my throat and I grabbed an empty cup off a table to go and fill it with drink, just to ease the pain. Forgetting my mission for a moment, I went on a hunt for cider, deciding to start off small. I found some and tipped the sweet liquid down my throat, loving the weak bitter burn of the alcohol and feeling grateful for the small chance it would give me of not losing it.

I flinched as I felt a body press against my back, an inevitability in a place so small yet still filled with so many people. I bit my lip and held my breath, not moving until the person moved away and I could breathe properly again. A crowd of people swarmed through the room, all interlocked somehow; holding hands, arms round each other or hands in each other’s pockets. I winced at the sight of it alone, and even more when people were swept along with the group, moving left, some staggering into me as they couldn’t stop moving. I stopped myself crying, pinching the palm of my own hand.

I wish Adam were here.

I desperately needed my best friend then. I needed his familiar touch so I could function and not scream.

I wish Eli were here.

The two thoughts conflicted in my head, making it throb painfully as I tried to figure out who I needed. But the trouble was, I needed them both – I needed all the help I could get. I needed Adam to smile at me and hold my hand and guide me through the hordes of people, take me somewhere, anywhere that I could breathe. But I needed Eli to just be there, to put his arm round me and everything would be ok – he was the only place that I’d ever felt truly safe.

I gulped down the rest of my drink and continued my mission, following the shouts of her name that caught my ears and being partially swept along by the crowd. The alcohol burning in my system helped calm me down, though only a little – I needed something stronger. I eventually found Amber outside, smoking with a group of tall, stocky boys, the kind of guys that start mosh pits at gigs for no particular reason. They each had a mean edge to their faces, from what I could see from the dim glow coming from the house and the lit embers of their cigarettes.

“Rim!” Amber called, strangely friendly. “Come join us.”

I walked over to them, shaking my head at the cigarette packet that was offered to me. It was slightly warm outside, but still cool enough to raise goose bumps on my arms and I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans in an attempt to stay warm.

“Am,” I hissed. “Why did I agree to come to this?”

“’Cause I asked you to.” Amber answered immediately. I shrugged.

“Ok,” I murmured uncertainly. “I think I need a drink.” I said and Amber smiled knowingly and stubbed out her cigarette, giving the boys behind her a half-hearted wave as she headed back inside, calling to them “See you later guys.”