Salvage: Book 3 of the Magic Mutations Series

17: Olivia

April, 2019

I wish I could say that the self-doubt was the only side he ever saw, but unfortunately grief and anger were like weights on either end of a beam balancer, taking their equal turns in upending me as the emotions piled on. And the jetlag only accentuated the velocity of that switch.

After arriving at my hotel an hour later, I was quick to throw my luggage down, kick off my shoes, and collapse on the bed.

Though the reprieve of the pillowy comfort only lasted a moment when he broke the silence with, "You should shower first." His tone had taken a whiny edge to it since we had last conversed. Or, at least, that's how I was deciding to hear it. "It was a long fight, and London is full of germs, and—"

"Oh my gosh," I groaned, "Do you ever stop trying to dictate my life?"

"I'm not trying to—"

At once I sat up, venom filling my glare as I sought out his blue gaze from wherever he was talking.

Perched in a chair by the window, he was leaning over, crease between his brows as concern swirled across his face while he studied me. Almost as if he were assessing whether this was a slight snap or if I really had recessed into anger; he knew this dance all too well since he dropped the 'I chose to die' bomb on me.

"I'm a big girl, Ben," I had cut him off. "I can look after myself and make decisions for myself."

Heaving a sigh, he seemed to realise where this was heading. "I know that—"

Though I wasn't done, and his tone was really starting to irk me. "And if you wanted any say in my life," I went on, finally letting those words that had been building up since I left Australia exit my mouth, "Then you shouldn't have chosen to end things with me!"

"I didn't choose to end—"

"You chose to die, Ben. You said that. You said it was because you wanted me and Lukas back together. You gave me up to another person. You decided you didn't want me anymore, and—"

"I did still want you! I just... I couldn't live with knowing I had come between—"

Not wanting to hear his name uttered again, I cut him off with, "You made a rash decision without even talking to me about it. It was such a big deal when I wanted to even face Rüdiger because you were scared I would die, but when it came to your actual death, you just... you..." But I couldn't go on. I still couldn't believe he had done it.

Missing the cue, he retorted with, "As if you'd ever say if I asked, 'yeah, go kill yourself to break the bond so that I can be with Lukas'."

His name still felt like a stab in the chest, familiar waves of the searing pain that dulled in the background since the bond break resurfacing momentarily. "Of course I wouldn't. Because I chose you."

"But you didn't. I... You were going to leave me for him until his mum bewitched you with whatever she did."

"I wasn't going to leave you," I tried to convince us both, not wanting to recall those days, not wanting to remember the hopeful honey eyes staring at me as we were surrounded by thick forests.

"You told him you love him," Ben stated simply... like it barely bothered him anymore. Like I was the one not seeing sense here.

"But that doesn't mean I was going to leave you. At the end of the day, I chose you in that park, which is why I accepted the bond and kissed you back. But you decided to unchoose me when you ended your life."

"I merely got in the way that day, Oliv—"

"You didn't. I fell for you, Ben. No matter how many times we do it over, I'd fall for you all over again. It took one look at you in the library that day and I was head over heels for you."