book delays are likely and i do apologise!!
Disclaimer: Please read all Trigger Warnings before beginning the book - I would appreciate it if haters keep their rude and unnecessary comments to themselves. *If you do NOT like my book then read someth...
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1 year ago...
If I told you a year ago that I'd never change who I was. You'd probably believe me but if I, 1 year ago, told my future self I'd become different I'd never believe that. So here's the proof.
1 year ago, I was sent to California to change my lifestyle and now I'm not the same girl who was on that plane last year. I'm different, I came back to Chicago a year ago only to find out that I had enemies everywhere. Leaving the criminal lifestyle was one of the hardest things I've done but now that I've done it, I don't regret it. However, that meant I'd become a threat to those whose identities I knew.
Threats were a problem in my life and having many threats fucked me up so this time instead of fighting my threats, I avoided them by going rogue. I moved out of Chicago and moved to New York City, like they say 'the city of dreams'. Throughout my senior year in California, I mended my ways and so I became your average high school student. I sat my S.A.T.S in which I received a perfect score of 1561 and a GPA of 4.67 which is considerably good for someone in my state. When they say put your heads down and focus they mean it, look how far I've come. I'm now attending NYU and my first day is coming up soon. Throughout, my years of life I had suffered from trauma and abuse. Many people wonder what my story is and when they realise its a closed chapter thats where the rumours start.
Now the real story begins.
Dear Sophie,
18th March2022
It happened again, I wish you could be here to protect me or even Dad. Mike came home drunk and asked me where mum was and I said I didn't know but he replied with the words 'wrong answer' and took his belt out and started hitting me with. It wasn't until the front door bell rang and Mike told me to 'never mention this or he'll bury me and Mum alive'. I wish you were here to save me, I wish we both could have run away into the world beyond those doors. I wish we could have lived in New York together and sat there together in our apartment star - gazing. There were so many things we still had to do but you left me so quickly and I wish you could come back even if it was for a day and you could help me escape. I hate it so much, I wish I could be in heaven with you and Dad. We could play hide and seek like we use to and then Mum would call us for dinner and we'd be a happy family.
I really wish mum could see the monster in Mike like I do, every night I lie in bed I dream of living with you in New York in an apartment. Sophie I have a like a million dreams and everyone includes you. Home doesn't feel like home without you, I'm all alone. Maybe some day I'll be able to go home to you and Dad.
Sophie, there's so much I need and want you to know but it's so hard to tell you. I wish I could cry in your arms instead of crying in the loneliness of my room. I always go to your room and lie in your bed and remember all the memories of us having a sleepover in your room or when we'd watch a film in your room or even our pamper nights. I remember when you put a face mask on me and I told you I looked like an avocado because it was green. I lie down in your bed looking at the ceiling and call your number and wait for it to go to voicemail so I can hear your voice - 'Hey you've reached Sophie. Sorry I'm not available right now leave a message after the beep, and if your Stacy LEAVE ONE MESSAGE girl as much as I love your voice Stacy your gonna blow up my phone, anyways beeeeeeeeeeeeep.......'
I'm only 13 right now but if you were alive you'd be 17 and next month you'd be 18 and then we'd be able to escape and go and live in our imagination. Sophie, should I come and join you and Dad? Maybe I'll be happier there and I really really wish we could be a family again.
The other night, Mike punched me in my stomach because I ate to much and now I eat less and less everyday. Sometimes, when Mum has a night shift Mike eats all of my food and only lets me have half a glass of water and a slice of bread. I really wish you could come and help me fight my battles. You always knew what to do. I wish I was like you, pretty, smart, loveable. Mum sometimes forgets I'm still alive and other days she tells me I should've died instead of you and sometimes I think mum is right. Maybe I'll join you and Dad soon.
It's currently 10pm and Mike is watching TV like always and he thinks I'm asleep. I'm not though, I'm writing a letter to you. Could you send someone to protect me? I could use some help. Sophie, I love you so much. Words cannot express how thankful I am, you were always right beside me and I owe you my life and as my big sister you always told me to 'fight even when life gets too hard' and I think that I'm done fighting. I'm coming to visit you tomorrow, I'll bring your favourite flowers and I'll tell you all about my day at school. Tell Dad, I'm going to see him aswell and I'll bring his favourite chocolates and we can all listen to my stories and even take a step into my imagination together, just like old times.
I have to go to sleep now, I'm super excited about seeing you and Dad tomorrow!! I love you both so much!! If you want me to bring anything text me. Like I always say, you are my world Sophie!! I'm going to try and live our dream. I'm trying so hard Sophie!! Stay proud of me please!!
- Stacy <3
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short chapter - I apologise this is just the background information!! I'll try double update - slow updates will be taking place as I am currently very busy and loosing motivation to write this!! Have a lovely week lovelies!! xx
