As I Fall Asleep- Joshua Bassett

Chapter 41

As always, my heart skips a beat when Joshua talks. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my racing heart.

I don't turn to face him, instead I continue to stare out at the moonlight reflecting off the waves.

"Ok," I say simply. Despite our relationship going very well the last few days, a pit has settled in my stomach, and I really wish it would go away.

The water laps at my waist, making my swimsuit cling to me tightly. I don't dare go any deeper, as my fears of sharks is still very much present.

Josh doesn't say anything for a few minutes, probably not knowing where or how to begin. After waiting for too long, the anticipation building, I can't take it anymore.

"Josh, what happened today? Yesterday we were great and today..." I sigh, "Well, today you couldn't even look at me."

When I finish that sentence, I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and see that his eyes are focused straight ahead and his jaw is clenched.

I shake my head, a tear falling on my cheek. "You can't even look at me right now. Did I do something wrong?"

At that, he finally speaks, but still doesn't look at me.

"No, you didn't."

"Then what's going on?"

My anxiety and hurt is now changing into annoyance.

"Gosh dang it, look at me!" I shout, my anger rising to the surface.

He does.

His eyes are glistening with tears, and it breaks my heart.

I step towards him and take his hands in mine. Quietly I whisper, "Josh, what's going on? You know you can talk to me."

For the first time since he's been ignoring me, I'm starting to think that this isn't about me. His distance and going back to the hotel early, maybe something happened to him, or at home.

I wait for him tell me that someone in his family's sick, or that he has to move away for filming, but instead, what comes out of his mouth is much worse.

"I don't think we should be together."

My heart cracks as all air leaves my body as I forget how to breathe. Hes staring at me with tears in his eyes, and I know there's something more going on.

I take his face in my hands, trying not to let the tears in my own eyes fall.

"Josh?" I question quietly.

He shakes his head, my hands falling away with the motion.

"It's not a good idea, Katie."

"Why not?" I demand.

"Because."

"Seriously?" I say, my anger coming back, "'Because'? That's all I get?"

He just stares at me, no emotion on his face.

"Josh, I know you feel something for me. After all the nights in the hospital, our movie nights, the late night calls, the nights we've spent together, I know it all means you feel something for me."

"It doesn't," he says, his voice cracking, finally showing that he is hurting too. If he's hurting, why is he doing this?

I take a breath, "Well it does for me. I love you Josh."

He sucks in a breath, but I keep going.

"From the very first moment I met you in Hawaii, I knew you were more than just a character on a screen or a musician on a stage. I've grown to know you, every part, and because of that, I've also grown to love you."