As I Fall Asleep- Joshua Bassett

Chapter 7

The next day, the day of Josh's surgery, I had Megan pick up some jello at the store for Josh. He absolutely loves it, so I wanted to get it for him. Sure, they have some here at the hospital, but it's nasty.

I wheel myself into our joint room with my uninjured arm after my daily exploration of the hospital. When I enter, Josh is propped up on his bed with his mom by his side. His eyes are half closed and he looks groggy.

"Hi Mrs. Bassett," I say.

"Honey how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Laura."

I smile and go, "OK, Laura, how's he doing?"

Josh starts singing a song in a strange voice, kind of sounding like a baby. I guess he's still pretty high on the drugs they gave him.

"He's obviously still out of it..." We both stare at Josh with an amused look.

Laura continues, "But the surgery went well, and he should make a full recovery."

I sigh a breath of relief, "Oh good, that's great news." I turn to Josh and raise the pack of jello in my hands. "Look what I brought!"

His eyes open fully, alert with excitement and he stops singing. "Cherry?" he questions hopefully.

"Duh," I say with an eyeroll.

Laura and I talk for a few minutes while Josh enjoys his jello.

"I'm so glad you're here, Katie," she tells me. "Not glad why you're here of course," she clarifies. "I'm just glad that Josh has someone like you to spend his time with. From what I hear from him, and it's not much, you guys have become good friends."

It's true. At first, we just had our Netflix watching every night, but then it evolved to us staying up late talking, and taking wheelchair rides around the hospital, occasionally getting in trouble for going in restricted areas. Even though I was severely injured and in a freaking hospital, I had to admit that I was having a good time, all thanks to Josh.

I laugh, "Well I'm glad he's the one I'm spending my time with too. He's so nice." That was an understatement. He was beyond nice. When I wake up with nightmares, he wouldn't laugh, he would just talk to me until I calmed down. If I didn't want to talk, he would do all the talking. He went with me outside to the hospital garden when I wanted to, even though he was worried the paparazzi would see him. He was kind. Plain and simple.

Too soon, Laura had to leave, and I was left alone with a sleeping Josh in the bed beside me.

I'm reading a book when Dr. Olsen and Dr. Jacobs come in. They approach me and close the curtain, which sets me on edge.

"Hi Katie, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Olsen asks.

"Fine..." I say, my suspicion growing.

"Are your parents here?"

"No, they're back home."

The doctors exchange indecisiveness.

"You can tell me whatever you need to tell me," I say to them. "My parents can come down, but it will take a few hours and I don't want to nervous the whole time while we wait for them, so just tell me and then you can call my parents or tell them when they get here."

They both nod and Dr. Jacobs speaks up. "Your injuries are healing better than we expected."

"But?" I ask, not believing they would make this big of deal of deal for something that was good.

"But, as the tear in your torso heals, scar tissue builds around it." I nod. I've watched enough Grey's Anatomy to understand a few simple things. "The scar tissue is so extensive that instead of stopping at your ribs there you were hurt, it's continued father up."

"Ok..." I voice, waiitng for them to just rip the bandage off.

"Based in your most recent MRI, the scar tissue has begun to grow around your heart," he finishes.

"So what does that mean? How do we fix it?" I ask, not willing to be scared until I absolutely have to.

"For now, it shouldn't be a problem. But if it continues to grow at this rate, it will eventually completely encase your heart and prevent it from beating."

I stop breathing for a moment.

"Will it continue to grow? You said 'if'"," I point out.

"We're hoping that it will slow down, or even stop all together, we just have to wait and see."

I nod. "If it goes all around my heart, can you guys like..." I stutter, trying to process their words. "Like I don't know, perform a surgery and get rid of the scar tissue?" Tears gather in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall.

"That type of surgery is extremly risky and I don't recommend it. The survival rate is very low." Dr. Olsen tells me gently, as if her calm voice can cover the gravirty of what she is telling me.

"But we don't know if you'll need it. There's still a chance that the scar tissue will stop expanding on its own. Remember that." I can tell she's trying to reassure me and give me the best-case scenario, but I don't have much hope.

"Ok," I say, "Thanks for telling me. Can I be alone now?"

They nod and exit the room, closing the curtain behind them to give me some privacy.

I try to pick up where I left off in my book but of course my mind is racing and thinking of the worst-case scenario. I'm only 17. I haven't lived at all. I want to grow up and experience life. Go to college, get married, have kids, watch my kids grow old. And now there's a very possible chance that I won't get to do that.

I'm suddenly glad the doctors didn't go into more depth about the possible surgery I would need if the tissue encased me heart. If they had even told me the name, I know I would be up all-night googling everything about it.

I close my book and get out my laptop anyway. I go to sit on my bed and open the browser. I look at all sorts of websites and blogs that basically tell me the same thing. Anything around the heart that's not supposed to be there, namely tough scar tissue, isn't good. Most of the medical conditions associated with mine have a very high mortality rate.

After hours online, I close my laptop and get under my covers. I turn away from the curtain and look out my window. It's a new moon tonight so there is barely any light outside. I can't help feeling like it perfectly describes my situation right now.

I finally release the tears that I was too scared to shed earlier. I thought I would be sobbing at this new information. What I didn't expect were the few tears that fell silently on my cheeks.

I close my eyes and fall asleep, the tears still wet on my face.

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hey guys! thanks for reading! Make sure to share this and keep checking for updates. I'm hoping to post a chapter a day... we'll see how long that lasts.

much love,

-kb