In hopes to find love

for years.

'A March down the aisle may very well be the longest walk any young lady ever takes. It does not simply cover the length of the church, but rather, countless floors of dancing, and meandering paths for every afternoon promenade too. It is a wonder, then, that feet do not tire or, heaven forbid, trip under the scrutiny of all those attentive eyes keeping close watch, indeed.' Whistledown

There was no way I could get out of the wedding, I had lady Bridgerton around my house picking and choosing gowns out for me she had chosen out a baby pink one that was given to me by daphne when it no longer fit her before she wore it out. I must say it was beautiful, I was in the foyer with the Bridgerton family as lady Bridgerton insisted I got ready with them.
She looked as skeptical as I did.

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I was sat with the Bridgerton family their words being 'you are as much family as Eloise' my heart was in my throat, the man I had recognised to be inlove with was marrying someone right infront of my eyes. I listen as the music begins to play when Anthony walks up the aisle my breath catching in my throat. My lord he is beautiful
I couldn't help but grab hold of daphnes hand when miss edwina had entered walking up the aisle with everyone's attention on her. Everyone standing to her attention, the smile on her face said it all, this was it. The look on daphnes face showed pity and sympathy

*the priest starts the wedding with all the matrimony and all that stuff Idunno but we're pretending Anthony is facing the Bridgerton family*

I feel daphnes elbow hitting my side as she nods toward Anthony who had caught my eye and was looking back at me 'my lord?  My lord?' 'I lord Anthony Bridgerton...' with that I had opened my mouth as if I were to say something Anthony and his soon to be wife looking in my direction, i had closed my mouth again looking away to stop the tears coming daphne whispering 'you're alright. It is all okay' in my ear.

'Miss edwina are you-' Anthony was cut off with the bride yelling 'I need a moment!' Making the whole room gasp quietly confused at the outburst as she runs back down the aisle her mother following after and then her sister.  And with that Daphne had pushed me up to go with the Bridgertons to find a quiet room to talk

'Does this have anything to do with our dinner with the sheffields the other evening? Or perhaps some even greater issues have come to pass that we must discuss Anthony?' Lady Bridgerton questions 'miss edwina is merely agitated. She will come to her senses.' Benedict reasons with his mama as I take a seat beside Eloise'Miss edwina does seem to have a delicate constitution. Perhaps some fresh air will be just the thing' Colin adds on as everyone adds in their opinion as what they think happened I was focusing on Anthony who had his hands on his head stressed before looking at daphne and i and then leaving the room 'you know something' Lady Bridgerton states 'i do not' 'daphne you may be a duchess, but you are still my daughter. Tell me what you know' I shake my head softly begging her silently. I was not going to be the person who ruined a wedding Never-mind a wedding the queen hosted.

I had wondered where Anthony had went, if he was went to calm down or if he went to beg for her to come back. I hoped for myself he was went on a walk but for him I hoped he got his bride

I had left the bridgertons in the room to talk, that way I would not need to hear if daphne told them and I would be able to sort myself out first and I thought I had that until ofcourse the man I was avoiding, Anthony Bridgerton, had followed me into a closet I had found to sit until

'Go and leave me in peace please.' I almost beg 'we must speak' 'do you realise how improper this is—' he cuts me off  'I've just met with miss edwina. She was harsher than I knew her capable of being. I concede I do not know her aswell as some do, but that is why I am coming to you. We must do something.' 'What would you have me do Anthony? More going be hind her back? Leaving her none the wiser?' I ask rhetorically 'you should not be here' i whatever trying to turn away before he grabs my hand holding it firmly 'wait' he whispers back making me stop in my tracks only to shake my head and leave, this time I left him in his thoughts.

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'It is a distinctly human act to marry, animals require no contracts or dowries. The hen and the rooster make no vows.

I tilt my head as a butler is handing me over a note quickly opening it i rise to my feet and make my way quickly to where the ceremony should have been held, only to find the eldest Bridgerton 'you sent word for me' he asks 'I thought you sent word for me?' I retaliate recalling the note I got. Hearing miss edwina come through 'I have made my decision. I thought it best you both hear it from me.' Why did she make me so nervous?
'I cannot marry you lord Bridgerton. You cannot provide me with what it is I want. What it is that I deserve. What everyone deserves. I may not know exactly what true love feels like but I certainly know what it is not. It is not deception, or wandering eyes or a role to be fulfilled. I cannot marry you because I cannot betray myself. You will never meet my eyes in the same manner that you met hers on that altar today. You will never... you will never look at me the same way' she reports to Anthony before turning to face me only making me more nervous

'You spent days with me, pretending to like me. You told me I was what he deserved as a wife, when you really thought it to be you. I did not know you that long but I know you felt something toward him, I had convinced myself it was imagining it. I can be sure that what I leave behind today is not my loss. It is yours. Your dream, your plan, your feelings that I merely borrowed.' I stand shocked as she walks away leaving the both of us standing across the room from eachother.

'Leave it to people to complicate matters with their ceremonies and their cakes. Is it not a wonder why anyone marries at all?... indeed, some may call a wedding the ultimate act of faith. While others would venture that it is the ultimate act of fools.' Whistledown

'I suppose we ought to go...Anthony' I mutter quietly him only looking at me 'miss Edwina is braver and wiser than us both' he comments 'she had the courage to act on what she sensed between us and here we are. Standing perfectly still, having felt it for months.'  He continues 'I stand here...because the moment we go, the moment we step foot out them doors. We face the truth...' 'of our truth?' 'Of our failures, we have failed Anthony. Of our duties, of our responsibilities, we have failed it all. So forgive me if it is now my wish, to suspend time to delay the inevitable. For a mere moment not to think of what comes next. To wait' I whisper now standing closer to him 'and for your information, you felt it for months. I felt this for years...' that's all I could get out before my lips were placed on his. My hands gripping his shoulders and his fell on my back both of us just letting the kiss happen, it's what we needed to be sure.

I was his. He knew that now.

'Eagerly awaiting two words. 'I do' bride and groom declare attention alone with no guarantee of happiness. Marriage amounts to little more than human ritual. We may not force the rooster or hen, yet we continue to collect eggs. Does that make us more complicated, or simply too stubborn to believe we must orchestrate what nature has already ordained?'