In hopes to find love

Too late.

The sun shone down on the Bridgerton house as I sat with Benedict out by the gardens 'Miss edwina seems nice' he mutters 'indeed she does. I think she may be quite perfect for Anthony's proposal' i nod 'you mean that?' He asks "ofcourse i do, no matter the feelings I may have for him, I am not what he wishes for." I shrug the conversation ending there as Benedict stands and takes my hand helping me up too, 'time to go inside then?' He smirks as I walk with him my arm linked into his.

****

The next morning I had woken up a little later then usual, the beds in this house had always made me feel more homely. I did always enjoy coming here growing up. They do say, home is where the heart is, and my heart had always been found here. In Colin, and Anthony.

I took a few minutes to gather myself to take myself on a walk thought the trees, where daphne and I would explore as kids. Although what I did not expect to see when I was there was Anthony. Passing his fathers grave.

'Are you alright?' I as softly not to spook him 'quite well.' He dismissed 'I shall go if I am intruding' I smile holding my hand on his arm for a second only to be stopped 'do not.' That was all it took. I took a step back beside him and just stayed. Only for a second before violet called his name.

She was holding a bunch of flowers and placing them on the grave.
'Dearest I hate to see you like this. So why are you down? Courtship, the consideration of a proposal, choosing the person you wish to spend the rest of your life with.' Violet lists  'my darling boy. It should be a time full of joy.' "I am content." He replies simply. "I am fulfilling my duty to this family, mother. That is what takes precedence above all else." He finishes. Making violet change her tone. 'Just because you are dedicated to this family does not mean there should be no room left for love, Anthony. Your father took his role of viscount seriously but he also loved deeply. We know that is what you want too. We know that, deep down it is what you have always wanted. I know how sweet and earnest you were as a boy'
I did not feel as though I was meant to be part of this conversation, I did not know a way to push myself away from it. Other than just to sit awkwardly on the bench opposite them. Tears in my eyes threatening to fall when he opens up about why he did not want love. I understood now. Violet and I sat with eachother for a second. 'I do not know why he could not see the love he has for you' she says drastically before leaving aswell. Leaving me in utter shock and disbelief

***********
The dinner was mostly quiet, a few laughs and a few comments but apart from that all attention was in benedict.
"This room is exceptionally well lit. Have you noticed col? Ana? The twinkles of the candles, it is as— it is as if we sit among the stars.' He babbles making me laugh into my hand from beside him 'what is wrong with you?' Eloise smiles
"I was telling Benedict how brilliant the stars were in Greece." Colin covers only making me laugh more. This was obviously a cover up and I could not wait to hear this later.

'Are you enjoying your time here miss edwina?' Daphne asks in a polite voice. Obviously getting a similar voiced polite answer. " I am very much. The buzz of the city is thrilling indeed, but I quite enjoy the peace of the country." She smiles 'as do I, though I dare say. It is not quite so peaceful with my entire family in residence' Anthony jokes making her laugh as the conversation carries on.
Our own conversation spiking with Benedict, colin and I "it was a revelation. Made all the better by the knowledge that I may have been the only briton to see it in decades." Colin rambles. As Benedict moans at his food reaching for more he knocks the glass over causing the wine to spill. I let out a  laugh which merely comes out a wheeze as he covers his face with his hands and makes a somewhat cute face.

What on earth happened to benedict? I laugh.
Holding my glass up for the toast Anthony is making all of us laughing along with his jokes, my heart stopping as he announces he has a question for miss edwina...please do not.

"I should like to... I should like to ask you to please refrain from telling anyone back in London about yesterdays loss." He finishes making miss edwinas face drop and my heart to continue beating. As I take a sip and what was that about? 

*****

I was sat in the art room with Benedict while he paints with his hands going on about magic tea and Colin being a great brother. When Eloise brought him his letter that had arrived
"I have a place.  The royal schools have accepted me as a student. I GOT IN" he yells excitedly making me squeal too jumping up beside him 'I thought they were not the arbiters of taste' Colin jokes making me slap him "they must see great promise in my work. OH MY!" Benedict smiles jumping around laughing me sitting beside him congratulating him as Eloise and Colin talk of miss Thompson.

I had forgot about her I shall not lie.
'I am honoured to accept your acceptance." Benedict quotes with tears making me giggle holding into his hand so he does not fly out the open window. 

"An artist must be free to follow their muse. But it appears the ton has fallen prey to the fickleness of fashion. For how else might one explain the tawdry, dare I say vulture, gown sported lately by miss Cressida Cowper? Mayfairs newest modiste has one thing, and one thing only, going for her. She is new. Whereas Madame Delacroix might be old, but at least she is capable."

I huff softly at lady Whistledown making me smirk, there was never doubt about Delacroix not even in the back of my mind.

Ofcourse not everyone can always get things so right. Though I do suppose for some it may be simply too late to change course and undo any damage.
Miss Anastasia has not been forgotten about, merely off the radar, I do hope she appears to capture her man...before it is too late.

I think too late already happened...when I saw miss sharma and Anthony standing so close together outside while I was riding my horse. I rode the other way, pretending not to see it, possibly hoping I did not see it. That It was my imagination. That he wouldn't do that to her sister, the girl whom he was to propose to.