Stolen Identity

Chapter 18

I could vaguely hear someone calling my name but it all just seemed like an echo as I sat there contemplating what had actually just unravelled. My eyes were closed but they were burning so much it felt as if I had been staring at a brightly lit computer screen for hours. I couldn’t really feel anything other than that; a numbing sensation had completely claimed dominance over me and it was hard to pull myself away.

My mind just simply could not comprehend what was happening to me or why I felt this way. It was alien to me; I just felt so numb and hollow inside, like an empty vessel. Looking outside I watch the sun shine above the house and the birds flying in unison as the gardener brutally cut the bushes, green debris gently flowing in the wind as I watched. My eyes diverted back to the house I had just fled from and I couldn’t help the bitterness that had come over me just from the sight of that house.

“He lied to me” I said out in the open, prying my eyes away from the sordid sight down to my slightly chewed nails. In comfort I watched my frail hands rise to my lips and my teeth began to nip at them nimbly. I haven’t chewed my nails for years; and I start now.

“They have lied to everyone Hannah” Justin chipped in slowly, grabbing my hands and taking them away from my mouth. “You’re not the only one.”

“Then why does it hurt so much?!” I shriek suddenly, ripping my hands away from his and walking to the other side of the room. Slumping in the corner I felt tears burn my eyes again and I let them fall in self surrender. Why does it hurt so bad I think as my chest begins to tighten, my breathing becoming shallower with every passing second. Why am I so stupid I think again, realising by now that I was crying uncontrollably.

“Hannah” Justin began softly, crawling along onto the floor next to me. “Do you really wanna know why it hurts so much?”

Watching him draw nearer and nearer I simply nodded, wiping away several tears in the process.

“It hurts so much because you care for him” he said, his voice breaking towards the end. “You funnily enough trusted him. And when you realised he abused that trust something in you broke, for what I believe was the first time.”

I raised my head to meet a sad Justin who only shrugged in response.

“Are you saying that… that I…”

“Yes” he muttered gravely and all I could do was break down. I had my suspicions beforehand but now that this is happening and Justin had basically just confirmed it… I couldn’t hold back the tiny shred of emotion that had been concealed. Everything was just going so terribly wrong.

I am literally nothing. I have no real identity anymore; I’m not Megan Chivonsky and I’m not even Hannah anymore because someone else has already adopted that identity. Believe it or not I have become the very thing that I was scared of becoming; a nobody.

“You’re not a nobody Hannah” Justin sighed sadly as I realised I had been speaking aloud all this time. I felt my cheeks flush as I hide behind my hands again, embarrassed at my weakness.

“What do we do now?” I clip out from my crouched position, choosing to ignore his reference to me actually being somebody; how bizarre that seems.

“I don’t think you’re ready to do any-“

“What do we do now?” I growl.

There were several minutes of silence before I actually heard Justin even attempt to move or do anything at all. In that time I remained hidden, knowing that if I showed my face so soon he wouldn’t want to do anything about this situation yet and that was a concept I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with. Right now in this foolish state I have found myself in I cannot even risk not doing anything. Doing nothing leaves me more time to think and more time to think consequently means that it will take so much longer for me to recover from this. Time isn’t on my side; the sooner I start fighting back the sooner I get to go back to my rightful home in England, where I belong.