Passion

Chapter 15

"Hello?"

"Brian?"

There was a pause, then, "Who is this?"

"We...ah, met at the party..."

Another pause. Amanda waited breathlessly her hand gripping the receiver so tightly her fingers ached. She had deliberately disguised her voice but is was shaking so badly it had probably been unnecessary measure.

"I dint expect to hear from you again. Britney refused to tell me how to reach you."

"I know. I..it has to be that way."

"I'll admit I am curious to know why."

Traitor. Amanda thought. She was huddled in the middle of her bed her night gown twisted around her up drawn knees. Her hair was loose, hanging down to shield her face, which even though Brian couldn't se she was burning.

"I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be afraid of me."

"I know. But..."

"You ran out on me."

"Yes." Amanda squeezed her eyes shut. This wasn't going the way she planned. She convinced herself to call him hopefully to find out how determined he was to meet the mystery woman or if he even still cared. He claimed to want her...her meaning Amanda . But could that be true if he was still intent on meeting another woman? Even if the other woman was herself? But he didn't know that..so...It was just to confusing. Her brain felt muddled, and she was willing to try anything that might give her some real insight as to how Brian truly felt about her.

But Brian want giving her a chance to question him He was to busy pressing her.

"Tell me who you are." He sounded More annoyed than ever.

"No! I just...wanted to talk to you. To ask.."

"Ask me what?"

Surprised Amanda accused softly. "You are angry."

"No, I am frustrated. I don't like games. You are a grown woman. I understand what happened between us was unexpected. You couldn't have been any more surprised than I was. But it is to late to change things now." Then very persuasively. "Tell me who you are."

Amanda shook her head, as tears gathered in her eyes. If only she could. "No."

"Dammit!"

She squeezed her eyes shut. "Please don't be angry." There was a tremor in her voice and Brian reacted to it.

"I am sorry." He sounded almost weary. "We can talk. That is why you called, isn't it?"

Amanda was afraid to speak again. This was a stupid idea. She should hang up now before he figured out who she was.

He said again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe you should just forget..."

"Not without knowing."

Those words said so sincerely washed over her. Her heart ached. If he wouldn't forget then she would have to stay away from him entirely. She drew a deep breath calming herself. "Why?"

It was Brian's turn to be thoughtfully silent.  "It was different. You were different. More intense. It didnt seem like just sex."

"No." It had been more at least to her.

"You felt it too?" He asked.

"I did."

"I want to meet you. I want to know who you are. Stop playing games."

"Its..its not a game." she  said. "You would be angry..."

"I am angry now! This isn't eighth grade, dammit!"

Amanda jumped  at his raised voice. He'd unconsciously repeated her defence. It seemed like betrayal. "Aren't you seeing anyone else?"

She hadn't meant to ask that. This wasn't a test he had to pass. She only wanted to understand why he was so determined to find her. But it was to late to call back her words.

She could feel his frustration, it was so keen. His reply when it came was carefully modulated, the words exact.

" I am not intimate with anyone right now, if that is what you mean."

"I see."

"How could you, when I don't? I hate this!" He growled in frustration. "I don't anything from you! But I hate knowing you might pass me on the street and I wouldn't even know it. I hate that you have intimate knowledge of me but I don't even know your name."

Amanda trembled. She hadn't thought of it that way. How it would be for him. She was very sorry. "Brian please..."

"You will see me somewhere and remember. While I am saying hello. You will be thinking of how it feels to climax with me deep inside you."

His words were harsh now, deliberately taunting baiting her. He was being ugly and even while she understood his frustration she hated it. "Stop. please."

"Tell me who you are dammit!"

"I cant." The words were rushed,husky with need. Amanda had to get them out before she did or said something later she regretted. "Its impossible. I am sorry." then she added in a tiny whisper. "You were wonderful Brian."

"Don't hang up...!"

Very gently Amanda laid the receiver in the cradle, then curled on her side. It had been a mistake to call him. She had to stop torturing herself and Brian. Her heart ached with her decision.

He was right. She was behaving like a teenager with a sorry crush on the captain of the football team. She was leaving him to wonder about a woman who didn't exists.

On Friday when he came over again, she would tell him. She wouldn't take the cowards way out by sending him a letter or giving her explanation and then running. It would be face to face, and she would accept his anger, for he would surely be enraged.

Amanda found sleep impossible that night. She pondered a thousand different ways Brian might react. But it all came down to one final conclusion.

She had lost him, when she really never had him in the first place. And until now, she hadn't fully realized how badly she wanted him.