Lost in the Nightmares of Hope- a Newtmas Fanfic

To Begin Again

When Newt woke again, he saw Alby sitting next to his bed in a small chair just watching Newt. Surprisingly he felt no pain in his leg, and when he looked down he saw no visible injury besides scars. For a moment he was very confused, until he remembered the miracle drug the Creators had sent that would cure nearly any injury and sick, excepting a Griever sting.

Then more memories flooded Newt's mind, as he felt Alby's stare, and guilt washed over him. "I'm sorry Alby," he whispered, not daring to meet his eyes as he felt tears sting his own.

Alby reach over and put his hand on Newt's shoulder and lifted his chin up to face him. "Newt. It's okay. I just want to know what the shuck's been goin' on with you lately."

"I-I-I just can't take it anymore, Alby." Newt shrugged Alby's hand off gently and put his head in his hands and felt he first few tears leak out of his eyes. "I just hate this bloody place so much! I just wanted to get out...I just wanted to take a burden off your shoulders."

"Newt?" Alby furrowed his brow and looked at Newt in a concerned, quizzical way. "What do you mean by that?"

"I just hate my bloody, shucking self!" Newt jerked his head up shouting, suddenly furious. "And I know you'd all be glad to be rid of me and my oh so cheerful demeanor!" (A/N: note the sarcasm in that last part)

"What the shuck are you talking about?!" Alby half-shouted, now furious himself.

"Nothing. Never mind." Newt sunk back down into arms as his anger faded away. "Just leave me alone, Alby."

"Fine. Glad to know you're okay, shuckface," Alby spat before he left, slamming the door behind him.

Newt collapsed in on himself the moment the door clicked shut and began to sob. He had never talked to any of the Gladers that way. Had never let any of them know how he really felt about life in the Glade, or really life at all. How could he have just let his defenses break like that? Even more, how could he have let his suicide attempt fail? All he wanted was to get out of that bloody place, even if that meant he would never again see the light of day.

Newt began to sob uncontrollably, and as he did, he began putting up a wall, even stronger than the first had been. Brick by brick, memory by memory, feeling by feeling, friend by friend he built his wall. Each new element blocking Newt off a little bit more from the life he was living and the life he had lived in the past.

From then on, Newt would be a different person. He would throw himself headfirst into his job, block off all attempts at real communication and friendship. He would not let that wall break again.

Finally, Newt felt he was ready to begin again, but first he needed to rest and seal those final cracks in his wall before facing the world again. With thoughts of who he wanted this new Newt to be, Newt let the clutches of sleep pull him into the darkness.

Hello lovely readers! So sorry to put you through this torture, but no worries the next chapter will feature the beginning of Newtmas and some more happy-like stuff! Yay! I hope I haven't depressed you too much so far...so sorry if I have. Anyway, have a great rest of your day or night or whatever! Byeeee!

-red7717