Because I Love You

Chapter Five: Confession

Why did I have to kiss her on the cheek?  Gino groaned and ran a hand through his hair as he paced the length of his room.

I didn't mean for it to be that... friendly.  What if she thinks I'm trying to come on to her?  No.  Nope.  It's a common greeting in Europe.

"But you didn't greet me with a kiss three years ago," Alana pointed out later the next day when he tried to explain his actions.

"When I was working for Solux in New York, I had a lot more time and opportunities to do business in Europe since it's so much closer.  And I have family there too, so I visited more often."

"Alright," she flashed him a small smile, but didn't say anything else.

Over the next few days in Tokyo, they continued to spend time catching up and eating meals together.  Gino felt that for every day that passed, he was falling for Alana again, little by little.

By the time he was on his way back to his apartment, he was panicking. 

I... I think I'm falling for her again.  What shit timing.  I've got Kara.

After mulling over for a couple days and recovering from his jet lag, he finally decided on a plan of action. 

Since he knew they hadn't been on a date in a while, Gino proposed that they go out for a quick dinner before catching a movie.  He felt guilty that he was partially doing it out of politeness, but also out of obligations since they were in a relationship.  He couldn't believe that just a few days with Alana on a business trip could change his thought process so drastically.

Well, let's try out another date.  If I don't feel anything, then I need to tell her that I met Alana again and things are happening.  

Gino felt that the date went rather well, though he did his best in trying to hide that he kept thinking of Alana instead.  He still did the customary door opening and handholding out of instinct though.  He and Kara went to a Turkish restaurant they had not yet tried before; it was quite pleasant, and even had a fairly large crowd of people.

Their conversation was light and playful, but the lump in his throat and tension in his shoulders prevented him from enjoying himself.  After dinner, Kara chose an action thriller, which seemed to heighten his sense of dread.

It wasn't a bad movie, Gino was thinking as they exited the theater, but he couldn't help but wonder whether there was a reason Kara had chosen the movie because she wasn't exactly acting like her usual self either.  She reached out to grasp his hand, and he clenched his jaw.  She wasn't repulsive, but considering the fact that he equated holding hands with being in a relationship, and didn't see her the same anymore, Gino knew such a huge sign could not be ignored.

He sighed softly.  I have to tell her.  After meeting Alana again, she's all I can think about.  This isn't going to work out.

He cleared his throat softly as the couple silently made their way through downtown.  Families, groups of friends and other couples holding hands were walking in and out of sweets shops and restaurants.  It was a clear, dark night and already the stars had emerged to decorate the heavens.  The air was clean and crisp, and the lamps on the side of the streets cast a soft golden glow on their path.  It was such horrible timing to tell her on such a nice night like this, but it couldn't be helped.  The sooner, the better.

"I... uh...  I want to talk to you about... something," he began, somewhat awkwardly.

"I do too."  Gino turned and blinked down at Kara.

"Oh... okay---"

"Can I go first please?"

"Uh... sure."  He ran his free hand through his hair.  I feel like what I have to say is more important, though, whatever she's going to mention.

"I think we should break up."

"Okay."  He paused.  When her words finally sank in, his eyes widened.  "Wait, what?"

Kara smiled gently.  "I think we should break up," she repeated.

"Um, that's fine."  There was silence for a moment.  "W--- why?"

"I think we both have a pretty good idea why.  I can feel it Gino.  You're not really into me anymore.  I don't know what happened; someone or something has changed your feelings for me.  It's not a huge problem, and I know that you're not cheating on me," she continued, seeing his mouth open in response.  "But I don't want to be in a relationship when my boyfriend doesn't feel anything for me.  I've felt it for a few weeks now, to be honest.  I thought that you would say something soon, because you usually do whenever you have anything to tell me.  I thought I could trust you to do that.  But I guess not.  So, I'm going to be the one breaking up with you.  Not the other way around."

The two of them had stopped walking and were now standing in front of a park bench.  Kara slipped her hand out from his and he glanced over at her.  Her face was completely emotionless, but she was looking in the direction of the park, where several children were screaming gleefully and running about.   A few parents were seated on a couple other park benches, conversing with one another.  Every now and then, he could see a young couple walking along the lit path to a fountain or a few swings.

Kara sighed and sat down, with Gino following suit.  She turned to him.  "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Should he?

Better than not telling her, I suppose, he thought to himself before launching into the story of how he met Alana at EcoHomes, going to a café to catch up after three years, and the business deal.  Nothing had happened, up until his stupid mistake when he kissed her on the cheek.  He still wanted to keep in contact with her, perhaps even be friends again instead.  But she hadn't talked to him since then.

"At least you didn't kiss her on the lips," Kara pointed out when he had finished his tale.

"I wasn't thinking when I did it.  I think it was just instinct."

Kara chuckled, and he looked over at her with a raised eyebrow.  "What?"

"It's simple."  The smile that had been tilting the edge of her lips widened and she winked at him.

Gino stared.  "What's simple?"  Was he supposed to be feeling clueless?

"Why you didn't tell me.  You didn't think it would be a big deal until now... and you also wanted to keep me because you didn't want to be alone."

He resisted the urge to scoff.  "Alone?  I don't have a problem with —"

"— Of course you don't," she interrupted.  "No one has a problem with being single.  But you just don't want to be alone."

"There's no difference," he said smoothly.

"Yeah there is."  Kara shifted in her spot and gave him a pointed look.  "Being single just refers to your relationship status.  Being alone is different; that refers to you just wanting someone to be with you to provide company and comfort."

Gino stayed silent.

"I'm not saying that it's bad.  I understand.  And I'm sure a lot of people would understand too.  Everyone wants to be desired.  Everyone wants someone to admire them.  That's why you kept me around even though you were already starting to have feelings for your ex-girlfriend again."

"You're making me feel bad about it," he half-joked with a diffident grin.  

"At least you've got a conscience," Kara teased.

"So... what do you think I should do?" Gino asked, after a pause.

"Well, for starters, you should probably let me know what you think about me breaking up with you," she turned to him with a smile.

He laughed.  "I'm okay with it.  You do have a good point.  And I don't want to force this relationship.  Everything's going to be okay between us though, right?"

"Mhm.  It's cool.  The next thing to do is try and get her back.  But it's going to take a while.  Doesn't she have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah.  I'm not going to force them to break up though.  I just want to know what her feelings are for me. Then we'll see where it goes.