In Love with the Darkness (A ROTG Story)

Chapter 14

I woke up in the same room as before. Tooth had given me an anesthetic and removed all of the nightmare sand that she could. I could still feel the weakness echoing through my bones, though, and I knew I wouldn't be able to walk.

My hips throbbed along with my ankles and I wondered whether the weakness wasn't all due to the broken bones. Pitch had been brutal for weeks, and it was only to be expected that my body started to feel the consequences of that.

I stared at the ceiling. I didn't want to get up. I didn't even want to breathe. Everything felt like nothing. What was the point of escaping if all I could do was think about Pitch? What was the point if I still felt like he was behind me every second of the day.

A sharp pain reverberated through my abdomen, bringing me back to all those times he'd forced me to be intimate. I wondered if I'd ever be able to do something like that with anyone else, or if he'd inflicted wounds that would never heal.

The more I thought about it, the more revolted I became. I never wanted to have sex with Pitch in the first place, it didn't matter how close to him I felt. I realized that I didn't want to have sex with anyone ever again.

But it didn't really matter what I wanted, did it? I was always going to be used by people who knew more than I did. People more powerful.

I was weak. I couldn't even recognize when someone was taking advantage of me, and it lasted for 300 years. If that wasn't stupidity, I don't know what is.

Part of me couldn't help but question why I should even be allowed to take the hospitality that the guardians have given me. I've given them nothing but trouble in return. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Constantly wondering when they were going to snap and hurt me, or take advantage of me when they got lonely.

I shook my head violently, sitting up in frustration. How selfish could I be? They had saved my life, literally put me back together and all I could think about was what I'd have to do in return. Why couldn't I just be grateful, enjoy their company. What was wrong with me?

A gentle knock at the door called my attention and I looked up to see Tooth's feathered head poking in. I mustered up a weak smile, but I'm sure it looked more like a grimace.

"How're you feeling?" Her kind voice was soothing.

I shrugged, "I don't think I can walk yet, I'm sorry."

Tooth furrowed her brows, "Okay, well how does it feel?"

I bit my lip. I didn't want to tell her the pain I was still in. She'd think I was ungrateful. She'd undo everything she did to help.

"It's ... It's fine. Much better, thank you." I muttered.

She didn't look impressed. Her brows knitted together in concern, "Jack, it's okay if you're still in pain. That was a pretty serious injury, it's perfectly understandable. I just need you to tell me about it. I only want to help you."

Despite the kindness behind the tone, I still got flashes of Pitch's face in my mind. His disappointment when I refused him, when I didn't live up to his expectations. I couldn't help the automatic tears that started to roll down my cheeks.

"I ... I'm sorry. I just ... I don't want to seem ungrateful." I sputtered out, "Just, please don't take it back."

Tooth pulled me in for a hug and I flinched at the sudden contact, but soon enough I melted into the embrace. She was warm. She felt safe.

She rubbed soothing circles on my back, "Jack, you are the most beautiful soul I have ever met. You worry about other people so much that you'd put their wants over your own health. I love that about you. I don't ever want you to lose that, but ... You have to be selfish sometimes. When it comes to your own well being, I want to know the truth. I promise, Jack, I won't be disappointed. Everyone heals differently. Your feedback helps me learn how to help you. So don't push me away. I'm here for you. Let me help."

"Okay." I whispered into her shoulder.

She pulled back and nodded, "Now, how're you feeling?"

I bit my lip and shook my head, "My legs feel mostly numb, but there is a throbbing pain in my ankles and my hips."

I chewed on my lip harder than I was before. I didn't want her to know what Pitch had done to me. I didn't want to have that awful label hanging over the memory. It was bad enough that I knew what it was.

Tooth looked up at me, "The throbbing in the ankles is probably just healing. It should be gone in a day or two, hopefully. The numbness is what concerns me. You said your hips were hurting?"

I nodded, trying to keep the tears from spilling again.

She nodded again, "And is it the upper area of the hip, or the lower?" She demonstrated on her own body.

I watched her hands and nodded, "lower." I whispered.

Tooth hesitated and took a breath, "Do you know what caused it? Was it something specific that he did?"

I bit my lip, and turned away in shame. Tears ran freely down my cheeks now. I couldn't keep eye contact any longer. I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

"I need you to tell me what he did, Jack." Tooth questioned again.

I shook my head pathetically. I couldn't do anything except sit there and cry. I suppose it was worse now that I knew it wasn't consensual. I thought that was the way normal relationships were supposed to function. Sex is supposed to hurt, isn't it? Sex is supposed to feel like your soul is being torn out of your body, right?

Tooth sighed, "Jack did he .... Did he ... Rape you?"

The word broke the dam on my emotions and an ugly sob tore through my chest. I couldn't catch my breath. I was drowning in a sea of torment, being swallowed by Pitch's sick, smiling face.

Tooth's voice was my anchor to reality, pulling me back and letting me know that somehow, everything would be okay. She pulled me in for another hug and I didn't flinch this time.

It felt good. This touch was nice. I snuggled farther into her shoulder, trying to level out my breathing, clutching onto her like she was my lifeline.

"I ... I thought it was normal. He told me ... I'd like it eventually." I said quietly, ashamed.

Tooth just squeezed me reassuringly, "It's okay, Jack. We're going to get through this together, okay? I promise, things will get better."

We sat there on the bed, wrapped in a tight hug, tears streaming down both of our faces, and I felt like she might actually be right. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I had a chance to be happy.