Wounds of My Heart

27. Sea

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✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Have you ever been to a beach and seen the sea? Seen that large amount of water moving freely in the form of waves? The high and low tides that take turns depending on several factors we can't control?

I haven't been to many beaches, so I don't know much about them, but one thing I'm sure is that the sea is never static. Sometimes is calmer, sometimes is scarier, but the water keeps flowing, and it won't stop just because you are drowning.

My mind is like the sea. It doesn't stop even when it doesn't really have a reason to keep going. Thoughts of all kinds would flood my brain to the point I'm not sure if I have control over it anymore, to the point I cry for it to stop.

It never stops, just like the sea.

You either learn to float, or you drown.

Sometimes sleeping is the only way to make it calmer for some minutes, some hours if I'm lucky. Hoping that if I sleep, I don't have nightmares.

And here I am, trying to fall asleep, this time I don't think my mind has any other option but to give up and leave me alone because my body can't take it anymore. My head hurts, my eyes are heavy and full of tears that keep my eyes from drying themselves after being open for so long.

Every night I try to focus on thinking in a specific color, a specific object, whatever that would make my mind still enough for me to fall asleep. I barely ever succeed, but after several days my own body will shutdown by itself.

-

"We are having dinner with the Martins later this week." My mom said as soon as I made my way downstairs. Jess' family?

"Oh," I pause and remember this mess going on between Jess and me, we haven't talked after that day in the water park. "That's good, but why?"

I really don't want to go, I don't have the energy to socialize and definitely don't have the energy to confront Jess.

"Well technically it's not just a dinner, is more like an event and they invited us. It turns out some other of our relatives will be there too." My mom says before shaking her head, probably because of the look I'm giving her. "You have to socialize! You are always in your damn room." She says louder this time.

Family reunions used to be fun, I have a good relationship with my cousins that are my age, but now that literally every single one of them has a couple they usually bring them and forget about me. Their couples are cool people, I have nothing against them, but I always feel so excluded.

So now family reunions are the most awkward events ever, at least for me. And Jess will also be there? In any other scenario I would be relieved, that way I don't have to third wheel or hang with the adults that would interrogate me every chance they have. But now it's gonna be awkward with Jess too.

What even is this event? It hasn't started, but I can't wait for it to be over.

"Yeah ok." I say just so my mom stops listing why I am so pathetic.

I made it to school on time and took my first classes before lunch.

"Sup pumpkin." I feel an arm around my shoulders and I don't even have to look besides me to know who is it.

"Hey Rommy." I give him a small smile.

"Guess who is your new chauffeur?" He wiggles his eyebrows as I frown at him. "Me! Of course. As the pro driver I am, I think Jordan isn't skilled enough to drive you around."

"You are driving me home?" I ask the obvious.

"Yeah, I mean we can also drive to other places don't worry. I'm a pro driver after all."