cradle to grave

lost

Louis POV

Harry runs off to his room, I don't bother stopping him. Cause what am I even going to say to him right now.

I need to talk to Zayn.

"Mate, why you calling me this early" he says, clearly half asleep.

I huff, "It's the middle of the day, and this is an emergency"

I hear shuffling, "what?!, what happened...are you hurt...are you okay" he rushes out.

"Physically I'm fine, emotionally I'm scarred" I say in the most melodramatic way.

"Lou, did you just call me for theatrics?"

"No" I whine. 

"Then what is it?"

"Harry says he's gay and he's inlove with you" I whisper.

"I mean, we're all inlove with you. And anyways what did you expect" he says like my world hasn't just been turned upside down.

"Liam has had a crush on you since the 10th grade. When he came out? Yeah he had a crush on you at the time. And I've wanted you since our first experimental kiss when we were eleven. So I'm not shocked that harry has a crush on you. It's a right of passage. And as such it will pass" he reassures me.

"Zayn..."

"I am not pining over you, I am just honest about the fact that I'd go there with you. But I'm not spending my days pining... I'm 21 for Godsakes, but Harry's sixteen. So go talk to him"

"And say what?" I mumble, my head swimming with all the new information I just received.

"Anything besides leaving him alone, you've never left him alone. So don't make him think his sexuality or feelings towards you will cause him to lose you."

I feel a lot calmer, talking to Zayn like I know what to do next.

"Thank you"

"Always a pleasure" i know he's saluting on the other end.

"Did you salute when you said that?" I tease.

"Maybe, maybe not." He says, probably shrugging.

"You totally did" I chuckle.

"Whatever, go talk to harry"

"You don't show it alot, but you love him as much as I do" I comment, to avoid facing harry a little while longer.

"Do I love the kid? Yeah you basically forced me to spend years around him. But do I love him as much as you do? Nah... but I love you, and I'm trying to help you"

I feel a tinge of guilt, "Zayn... do you want to talk about it"

"No, I don't... you're my best friend. Whatever else I might feel for you doesn't matter. I mean I would let liam fuck me senseless but even that doesn't matter so... go stop stalling"

"It matters Zayn, and I'm in a relationship... well so is liam... but it matters"

"When are you ever not in a relationship?"

"Are you calling me a slut?"

"If the shoe fits" he says with a teasing tone, "I'm going back to sleep, call me later"

"Fuck you, and I'll do that"

He laughs, and drops the call.

I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves, this is harry. I can do this.

***
I knock on his door, and I don't get a response.

I try the handle, the door isn't locked.

"I'm coming in" I tell him, walking in.

He's in bed, curled up into a ball.

I lift the covers, and fit myself behind him. Cuddling him.

"I'm sorry love, I never wanted this to happen" I mumble.

"I waited three years Louis, three! Thinking that maybe you'd take me seriously if I was legal and you just reject me!"

I try to turn him around so I can get a good look at him. But he won't budge.

So I climb over him to squeeze myself on the other side of the bed.

"Haz, look at me please"

"No"

"Please"

He sighs, then looks up. His face is all red from crying, he has tears streaming down his face.

I immediately feel my heart break, and I reach out for him. Trying to wipe his tears, but he just cries harder.

"It's going to be okay" I reassure him.

"You don't know that, you don't know how much you mean to me. You just! You don't know"

"But I know love, I know you better than anyone. And I know you'll get through this, we will get through this together. And when you meet someone you're really inlove with, we can look back at this moment fondly"

"Nothing about this moment feels fond to me"

"Yeah well you have to give it time, right now you're not looking back.. but eventually..."

"Is it because you're dating Steve?"

"No"

He chocks on a sob then, "so...so it's because you don't find me attractive, I'm the problem here?" He full on cries, pulling the blanket over his head.

"Harry come on, you are not the problem.  You're too young for me, okay I wouldn't date a sixteen year old. I'm twenty-one" I argue.

He removes the covers slowly, peeking up at me. "So, I just need to wait a little longer?" He says, eyes filled with hope.

I don't want to crush that hope again, but I have no choice.

"Harry, that's not what I said"

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I love you. You're the most important person in my life, and right now I just want to cuddle and stop all this crying"

"Can you atleast kiss me? You don't even have to mean it or anything. Just do it, for me" he begs, and I've never said no to him once in his life.

I bite my lip uncertainly, I don't know how to get myself out of this situation.

"Maybe when you're eighteen" I blurt out.

"TWO YEARS, I have to wait two more years to get my first kiss...Lou that's so far away" he complains.

"Well, it's a take it or leave it kinda deal.  And you know, you  might get to kiss someone before then"

"I won't, I'll wait" he says stubbornly.

I stare at him for a moment, his stubborn eyebrows pinched together.

"Right, well on your eighteenth birthday. I'll give you your first kiss. If you wait"

I very much doubt he's going to wait.

It's like he can hear my thoughts, because he mumbles. "I'll wait" before turning around and pulling me with him so he could be the little spoon.

We go to sleep like that, and I try to convince myself. Nothing has to change .
Two years, is long enough for harry to get over me. And find someone else.