chapter 36
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It's weird for Natasha that she feel sad, "what is happening?" She wonders. How could she feel sad? Why does it aches her heart a bit when she said that to him? Does the fact that they're not meant to be together made her sad? But she's the Black Widow, she does not love, "I don't deserve love." She said to herself. We all know, everyone deserves to be loved and there are no exceptions for that, but Natasha always have that bad thoughts about herself even though she has gone through a lot and changed too.
She couldn't lie to herself when she felt comfortable with Steve, she couldn't lie to herself that she felt happy when she's with him, she couldn't lie to herself that sometimes she get shy and even felt butterflies because of him but she lied to herself denying the fact that maybe just maybe, she was starting to fall for him.
"You're right." Steve said just by the moment she was about to realise she was falling for him. Of course it made her wipe her thoughts away, silly she though but somehow Natasha feel a bit of pain in her heart hearing that coming from him.
"Sorry." Steve said again. "I don't want to get awkward so we should probably let it pass away." Steve said scratching the back of his hair.
Natasha think herself as selfish for feeling a bit hurt by his words and actions, because she knows if he comforted her, if he tell her their relationship will work out, if he say he loved her, she won't accept it either. Even though she won't accept it, she wanted it to happen like that which is why she thought of herself as selfish. "Love is for children." Natasha said to herself again, trying to get herself together, trying not to think about those stuffs anymore, trying to forget about it just like Steve getting over it quickly.
Little did she knew, that Steve is falling apart from the inside too. Pain, sadness and everything collided, knowing that he shall forever keep his feelings to himself.
He wanted to comfort her, he really do.. he wanted to hug her and tell her everything is going to be okay, maybe we're meant to be, I'll never leave your side, you're so much worthy than what you think of yourself, I love you Natasha. But he knows if he said those stuffs, it would probably burdens her more.
Natasha didn't mind a quick love feeling that will soon pass away, but for a serious relationship? A sincere feeling? She still can't accept that kind of things with those bad thoughts flowing in her head.
"Someone like you, deserve an amazing woman Steve, an independent woman with a great heart, a brave soul, and a loving person." Natasha said smiling at him.
"You know you just kinda described yourself." Steve chuckles trying to lighten up the mood and Natasha laughed a bit too. Seconds passed and they just stared at each other, smiling.
"And perhaps a clean past." Natasha said breaking the silence as her smile fades away, and so does Steve.
"Please don't think about it." Steve said with concern. "Stop it." He said firmly to make her look at him.
"I had told you that everybody did mistakes in their past, but what important is, they're willing to make it up, they're willing to change, they're willing to became a better person." Steve stated firmly. "So please stop on whatever you're thinking Nat." Steve said with concern. "You're not the past you, you're the present you. You had done too much if you're seeking for forgiveness or mercy." He added sadly.
"Thanks Steve." Natasha smiled faintly.
"Sorry." He said moving his hands away. "I'm sorry that I got you into those thoughts again." Steve said with concern.
"No, it's not your fault. I was just, being a bit sensitive for no reasons." Natasha resisted.
"Nat..." Steve said with pleading eyes.
"It's okay Steve." Natasha smiled.
"It's not." Steve said sadly.
"Trust me, it is." Natasha said.
"Alright, whatever you say." Steve exhales.
"So, we're cool?" Steve asked.
"Yep." Natasha nooded.
Both of them smiled at each other, a smile that were both forced, accepting the fate they had for each other. Somehow, none of them notice the pain that came from each other's eyes, as they were to busy drowned in their own pain, unable to notice the pain of the person they are looking at.
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Another Chance ( A Romanogers Story )
RomanceSteve realized the unusual feeling he had when he's near Natasha. "Is it true that my heart belongs to her now?" Steve keep asking himself, doubting the feeling he had for her which is obviously love. But with the situation being so messed up and th...
