Another Chance ( A Romanogers Story )

11 - "because you mean so much to me"

chapter 11
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"Let me go." Natasha said as Clint stills hold her hand tightly.

"No.. please no.." Clint replied with tears coming out from his eyes.

"It's okay." Natasha said as she pushed herself and fall from the cliff.

"Sh*t." Natasha yelled as she opened her eyes and sit on her bed, her heart is still beating so fast as she put a hand in front of her chest and breath repeatedly. Honestly seeing her death right in front of her eyes happens to be a terrifying thing.

"No wonder Clint can't get over it." She whispers to herself.

As Natasha is again lost on her thoughts, unconciously her blank eyes let out some tears, Natasha herself isn't sure about what she is feeling but she really needed comfort. Then suddenly someone barge in her room with a panic expression. "Nat are you okay?" which of course happens to be Steve wearing his undershirt and sleep pants.

Natasha was startled then she turned her head to him, she doesn't realise that she's crying but Steve does. His panic face turned into concern as he closed the door and kneel over her bed. "What happened?" Steve asked as he held both of Natasha's hand.

"I had a dream about my death. And I don't know why suddenly tears just came out from my eyes when I was lost in my thoughts." Natasha replied looking at his eyes.

Steve can feel pain from Natasha's eyes, it's like something that is unable to be spoken and just happens to be inside her, bothering her and making her uncomfortable.

"It's not like I regret my death but my heart just aches really badly. I'm happy to do it for you guys, I feel relieved but a small part of me seems to force to tell me that it's not fair. It's not fair that I seem to live a life like this but I don't have anyone to blame other than myself, it's like everything I did was wrong." Natasha continued with tears falling from her eyes. "It's just that, that small part of me wants me to have a happy ending, but it doesn't mean sacrificing my life is not a happy ending since it made me feel relief, that part of me just hoped my happy ending is when I lived happily not ending my life happily." She added looking down sadly.

Natasha was about to speak again but Steve stood up and put a finger in front of her lips. "I understand Nat." Steve said with a smile as he put his finger away. "I know you sacrificed for us sincerely and consider that as your happy ending, I understand that the little part of you that think it's not fair too. I know you don't mean you're not happy about it, but it seems like, it's a bit not fair right? You can't blame yourself for that feeling, basically human selfishness is natural, it's not wrong to hope for a happy ending where you happen to live." Steve said with a heartfelt smile as he caresses her head.

"When I woke up from ice, almost 70 years a sleep, I feel something similar too. I was eternally grateful that I manage to save a lot of lives but it feels a little bit unfair, to came back in a different world with all the peoples I had knew already gone, yep it's not a good feeling." Steve said looking down sadly.

"But it doesn't mean we're not happy to sacrifice our lifes for other peoples, like I said, basically human selfishness is natural, I also had this feeling of wanting my own happy ending, to get married with the woman I loved, to have kids to have family, but with the 66 years that has passed, I can't seem to have that ending anymore and it seems unfair."

"I know it's different with your case but it has a bit similarity and I want to tell you that it's not wrong for you to feel that way. Everyone had their dream, everyone wished for their happy ending, it's not selfish, it's just self love, to proof that you actually loved and cared about yourself." Steve added with a heartfelt smile as he kneel again and put his hands on her cheek to wipe away her tears. "Don't cry, okay?"