My Heart's Apocalypse (Synyster Gates)

Chapter 31

“On the charges of first degree murder, what does the Jury find the defendant?” The judge’s deep voice echoed across the court room.

“Not guilty, Your Honor.” The Jury’s foreman read the verdict and then it was all over. I felt like my heart beat so abnormally fast that it would rip through my chest. Completely out of focus, I shook hands with my lawyer, not believing I got away will all that had happened.

“Sia, I’m so happy!” Kayla hugged me tightly to her body and I felt her tears smear against my cheek. “It’s over, you’re free.” She gasped emotionally, cupping my face in her hands. Still zoned off, I managed to nod in response.

It was far from over for me. Not a night has gone by without me reminiscing about what had happened. How could I forget? I see the wound in my abdomen every night in the shower. I walk into the same house where I had laid a pool of my own blood and cried for mercy. I see Brian ever so often, the one who saved my life, the only one I had confessed my love to.

The only one I couldn’t allow myself to have.

It’s been months and I can still feel the hot blood pouring out of me, I can still sense my body weakening by the second and I can’t possibly seem to forget that euphoric sensation of relief when the life slowly drained off my weak body, and I could never forget how much I wished to submit to that sense of salvation.

And how could erase the strong blast when I fired the gun off my mind? And the moment when I took his life? I swear I can still smell the gunpowder on my skin. And the fire that had died in his eyes, along with his body, along with his memories and emotions, and all of his essence.

“Sia?” Kayla snapped her fingers right in front of my face. “Are you listening to me?” She frowned, waving her hand in front of my face.

“Sorry…” I mumbled hoarsely, clearing my dry throat. “What was it?” I asked her timidly.

“I said that I’m giving you a lift home and that we better hurry.” She sighed and dragged me by the wrist out of the court room. “Are you going to even talk to him?” Kayla asked me sheepishly during the ride to my neighborhood. “To Brian, I mean…” She chirped, shooting me a worried glance in the corner of her eyes.

“I know who you’re talking about.” I muttered dryly, running my frozen fingers through my long dark hair. Up until his appearance in court for my trial, I haven’t properly talked to Brian or engaged in any type of contact with him in overthree months, which was rather impressive proving the fact that he lived right next door.

Sure, I’d seen him jogging around, getting his mail, bringing chicks over….but we never talked, ever since that day at the hospital. Deacon was put off the life support the Monday following my breakup from Brian. Deacon’s mother was there; she slapped me across the face and called me whore.

I think I deserved that.

The last thing I wanted to do was to discuss Brian. Because, what could I possibly say? He continued to fight for me even when I turned him down in the most painful ways. He testified in my favor after barely seeing me for months. He fucking pulled the knife out of me and managed to convince me that everything would be alright, that I’ll pull through.

Because he loved me, and I know, within the depths of my heart that he still does. And though I will never have the guts to speak it, but I do too.

“Sia are you sure you don’t want to stay over at my house? Jimbo and I are dying to have you, we’ll spoil you aloooot!” She giggled and I chuckled, but shook my head. “That place is not doing you and good…” Kayla sighed heavily, tapping the steering wheel with her fingertips. “Oh my god!” She chirped.

Before I could ask what had happened, I saw the source of mayhem. My heart flipped inside of my chest with pure anxiety when I spotted Brian sitting on the short stone wall surrounding his property. It was evident that he had been waiting for me.

I quietly wished Kayla a good night and shut the car door, watching her drive off. I double checked my phone, pretending to be going through old messages. I tried anything possible to appear as if I hadn’t noticed him there. But Brian’s presence was so strong that I felt it course through each and every nerve of mine.

I took the bullet, swallowed hard and turned around to face him. “Good evening.” I whispered softly while I took a few steps towards him. He looked up and smiled, that gorgeous, playful smile I will never be able to resist. His brown eyes twinkled warmly, letting me know that I was forever welcome.

“Good evening.” Brian replied, his voice tender and full of care. “Congrats.” He congratulated me and I replied with a brief nod.

“I wanted to thank you, for coming to testify. Without your help I’d be sentenced to rot in a cell for the rest of my life, or worse.” I mumbled and visibly shivered with fear. “So thank you, you saved me, again.” I smiled weakly, it was all too bitter-sweet.

“Just filling my civil duty.” Brian smiled crookedly and honestly, I wasn’t sure whether he had meant what he said or not. “Glad you’re okay.” He added shortly.

“Yeah, well…I’ll get going.” I mumbled awkwardly and clenched my purse tighter to my side, “Bye…” I said in a whisper and turned for my house.

“Bye!” I heard him say a few seconds later, but I didn’t bother to turn around. I wanted to stay there so badly, wishing I could stop time for a mere second and simply enjoy being with him, with no guilt, regret or awkwardness involved. But then the not so sweet reality hit me like a ton of bricks, casting all my secret wishes away. So I made my way back home.

Crossing that god forsaken hall and walking up those damned stairs, my heart never ceased to skip a beat. It felt as if I was being haunted by Deacons presence. I swear I could identify his heavy footsteps in the carpet and his growls still echoed through the walls of my mind.

Tiny shivers covered my dainty skin as I stripped down, standing in a pile of my own clothes. I ran hot water in the shower and stepped in, my bright red toes soaking in the puddle which formed at the shower cabin’s tiled floor.

The water soaked my dark chocolate hair, leaving it to stick to my shoulders and breasts, covering my torso almost completely. The only think that managed to repress my memories of Deacon was Brian’s testimony. His tender voice echoed through my head and it sounded to me as if he was right there, speaking into my ear.

“I heard shots coming from Sierra’s house so I rushed in…She was kneeling by him and then she just, collapsed…I asked her to hold still so I could help her…She kept crying but I knew that I had to pull it out of her…She was frightened…”

I couldn’t recall all that he had said, but only mere pieces and phrases of all that he had told in court. Maybe it was some sort of suppression, maybe it pained me too much to relive it all again. I must have operated on some type of auto-pilot thingy because before I noticed, I had already found myself standing in front ofmy mirror, brushing my wet hair.

Not bothering to dwell upon my appearance, I loosely braided my mane of dark hair, wiped my face with some toner and slipped into a camisole and girl boxers.

Passing my window as I made my way to bed, I couldn’t help but glance upon Brian’s place. A sigh escaped past my lips as I saw his silhouette behind his own window. It seemed as if he was getting ready for a night out because his quick fingers were busy working on the buttons of his shirt before elegantly ruffling up his hair.

Depriving myself of that sweet torture, I shut my curtains and curled into bed.

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I missed this story so much! Comments are most welcome