Seth POV:
A small sob leaves me before I know it. I whimper helplessly and pluck the grass off the ground in frustration. My fingers clutch the tiny leaves and tear them into pieces while struggling to hold my breath. However, as I try, I can't breathe freely because it's begging for the mercy of love. I want my life back, but I'm the only one to blame for it being ruined in the first place. Before, Dean has lived in my eyes day and night. Now there are only tears in my eyes. I feel empty.
A pair of shoes get into my view and make me look up to see Roman standing in front of me. He stares hard at me, silent. His face reveals that he is pissed off, so much anger in his eyes, but I don't see it, and with all the pain in my heart, I probably won't care, anyway.
I'm waiting for him to spill his anger out, and I don't really know why or when he becomes the unspoken guy, but I'm waiting to get wrecked again. I need to suffer more. Even the surroundings expect him to say something or anything, but he's just staring at me, and I wonder what he reads in my face and try to keep it supportive and earnest, silently chanting for him to believe me.
There's a moment of silence. Never mistake our silence for weakness. Sometimes the air stills before the onset of a hurricane. In the distance, the thunder rumbles, and the smell of rain falling on the earth is in the air to break the silence. Along with those, a croaking frog interval whatever tension we have between us. We stare at each other and try to insert what we have on one other's minds.
Sighing loudly, he places his hand on my shoulder and grips it tightly before pulling me up. He then wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me against his muscular chest. I really want to hold his hand. The older man always makes me feel solid and secure, and when I'm on the verge of panicking, he can easily ground me.
"I lost him again, Roman. I lost him.." Tears leak out of my eyes and trail down my cheeks sadly. "Everything is my fault.."
Featherlight fingers play with my curls soothingly as I continue to cry into his chest. "I know you're upset, Seth, and you have every right to be, but remember, it's not your fault." He tries to argue, but I shake my head.
"It all could have been avoided if I just hadn't entered his life.. but then if I hadn't, I wouldn't have him. But he'd still be around safe and sound at least.." I whimper while the rain whirls tears with me. My soul is dampening along with my shirt, but I don't care because my husband is not here to warm me. I feel nothing.
He shushes me gently and stops me from saying anything else. "Hey, take a deep breath. You're losing yourself.."
"I lost myself since he disappeared from my life," I mumble softly, shutting him up temporarily. I know he wants to argue with me, say something and change my mind, but I'm firm on this one. I pull away from him and wipe my tears away before looking around the forest and figuring out where to start my task. I should continue my search with no rest. As I'm about to walk over, he grabs my wrist and holds me in place.
He doesn't do anything but stare at me, eyebrows knitting together and fingers wrapping around my wrist. "What are you doing?"
I don't allow surprises to come over me because I know they will happen. Taking a deep breath, I curl my fingers in Roman's hand and try to get off his grip on me. "Going to search Dean," I murmur, knowing well that it'll drive the elder insane.
He grits his teeth and tries to control his emotions, struggling hard not to be angry with me, but I don't give him any choice. Realizing the time gets wasted by staying here, I request him to let me go. He's shaking his head and pushing me back as he trails off his words. "W-Where?" He growls and makes me realize I unleash him on the worst. "Where his heart is? Or in a flower, on the moon, under the fire, outside of the.. where?"
I can't answer. I'm shocked by how Roman rages at me. After long years, I have made him angry, and it hurts. I'm not scared, and he doesn't appear aggressive or try to intimidate me, but his words hurt, and they mostly hurt because they are true. It's not words of hate; it's words of truth. Ouch! Truth hurts.
The words dissect my heart, and I can't face it. I flutter my eyes and look at my cousin as he drags me back to my house. I feel pathetic about being in this state. The tangy taste of blood fills my mouth as I bite down a bare too hard on my bottom lip. My eyes still plaster on him, not knowing where to look until we reach my porch. I hold the pillar and stop walking to give him a pleading look about giving me some space.
He nods and gets inside the house to get on something like he's probably sick of me. In a way, I know that he kind of is. Everything hurts, and I don't know why. It isn't the mental pain that I'm even referring to, but I don't know what else to blame it on.
My mouth is too dry, my chest hurts, my guts make me feel heavy, and my vision starts to get blurry because tears start swelling up in my eyes again. Ever since the talk with Roman, my nerves have been acting up and failing to settle down at something. I don't know what I'm into now because my mind is too full that I'm not even feeling about myself.
There are footsteps near me, but I don't bother to look who it is. It can't be my cousin yet because the door hasn't moved. Someone stands next to me, but I'm too caught up with myself to care. "I guess the blue sky is shedding tears because of you." This person has a very familiar raspy voice that makes me look up from my puffy eyes, eventually.
"D-Dean!!" I'm surprised by his sudden appearance and wish to hold him for dear life as much as I can. Whimpering pathetically, I throw myself at him and hide my face in the crook of his neck. I breathe in the familiar scent, feel at home, feel loved and secured. It's good. Not perfect, but good enough to smile softly. I pull back after a moment and stare into his eyes, our brown and blue locking. With that, I notice a drop of a tear straining his cheek. And I'm sure that it's not a raindrop. That meant...
"You referred to your eyes as the blue sky!" My voice is quiet, and he strains to hear me. I wonder if he has even heard me right, which seems to be something that has happened a lot now. Not having control, my body has reacted to him automatically. I lean forward and press our lips together in a soft, fragile kiss. Whenever he's with me, I feel that the entire world has become mine.
"I love you," I whisper. I have buried half of my face in Dean's chest. The familiar smell makes it a little easier to breathe normally again. I don't understand if this is pleasure or if this is pain. A little comfort and a little pain are mixing and troubling me. "Please, don't leave me."
"Seth." He says, reaching out and grabbing my face before shaking his head. He's laughing, and I'm suddenly laughing, and it feels like old times, simpler times. It's a good kind of pain. My fingers curl around his while his thumbs brush against my cheeks. We settle into a serene silence, and I actually start to doze in the quiet, fingers still curling around his hands.
I startle and pull my hands off him when a sudden ringing breaks the comfortable silence between us. It's unwelcoming, so I don't appreciate any of it. Averting my eyes from him, I realize Roman is coming to me with a towel in one hand and the phone in the other. My eyes plaster on him solely for a minute and swallow audibly before turning to peek at my husband, who's nowhere near found. What?
