Tsk. So toxic (Levi Ackerman X Reader)

Hanji

— James, I'll go see Commander Hanji, — you halted and told the tall soldier, who was following you from the lawn.

— Fine, I'll go take a leak, — he snorted and turned around to leave you in front of the first building you reached. All the offices were here and, judging by the open window and some weird noises coming out of it, Hanji was now present. You blinked fast, wiped the rest of the tears and smiled at James' back. You liked the guy but he made it very clear to you that he hated his new job to the guts. Following you around was not the kind of job he had in mind when he joined the survey corps. Of course, he was a rookie and when he showed his disapproval of Captain Levi's new assignment he received a severe knee punch in his stomach which made him reconsider. Even if he didn't dare to disobey Levi ever again, or give away his discontent, with you he felt a lot freer. He knew you wished he hadn't have to tag along everywhere you went, and you knew he would rather train with his squad members than waist his time chatting with you. You didn't have much in common, so your talks were not interesting for both of you.

You shrugged the feeling of emptiness, crawling slowly into your heart, and entered the building to meet Hanji, you closest friend by now.

— I need... council. A piece of advice, — you started, fixing the books Hanji flipped off the table, startled by your entrance. You knocked three times but she was so caught up with the new blueprints Marley's soldiers had provided her with recently.

— On relationships? With Levi? — Hanji eagerly peered inside your eyes. She put her ginger haired head on her palms and moved her elbows across the table to study closely your face. Or to make you uncomfortable.

— What's wrong? Is he too grumpy? Is he irritated with the way you boil tea? Did he scream at you for choosing the wrong type of tea for breakfast? Did you put one of his soldiers in danger? Say, made them clean your room instead of cleaning Levi's HQ's? Or did you slice a titan and Levi got covered in blood since you're new to this? Or did you put his cape on a wrong hanger? Or maybe you didn't shower and he forced you to do it? Tell me, what is it? I wanna know e-very-thing!

You were stunned. You weren't sure, though, what actually made you stun: Hanji's true interest in your relationships or how much she was familiar with his quirks. Was there something to worry about for you?

— Well... None of the above, frankly...

— Oh really? — Hanji moaned frustrated, — That's too bad. I was hoping for a new joke about Levi being sad and angry and sullen... Then what's wrong? You look even paler than Levi. But yeah, that's understandable. You had to live under ground for — what was it —- two weeks, right? No sun, no fresh air... God, I hate that shithole! Don't tell Levi, okay? It's his hometown, all in all...

— You know what? — you smiled at your friend, older than you but, probably, more infantile, — Nevermind, Hanji! I changed my mind.

— Really? No sappy story that I could use to mock that prick? — Commander pouted.

— Sorry, — you chuckled, — I'm afraid I can't provide you with one this time.

— That's very-very sad, you know. I had to come all this way from my room to yours—

— Hanji, we are at your place, actually...

— Are we now? — she faked surprise, — Oh yes! So you went for miles just to see me—

— I was passing by, you know, that's all. And I decided to see if you got any thought on my situation here.

— Then spill the beans! — Hanji patted you on your shoulder, encouraging to open up. — What's the situation?

— Well... You see... Here it is. Levi doesn't let me breathe. I feel suffocating. He follows me around. Everywhere I go! I know it's for my own safety and everything but he's manipulating me to put all control over me in his hands. I'm tired. Like you see, he wouldn't even let me go to the seaside with you. What is so dangerous, so wrong about swimming in the waves? You guys will be there to watch me. In case I try to drawn myself to the bottom or decide to swim back to Marley and die on the way. I want it. I haven't seen the sea for so long... And he knows it but still wont let me! By the way, we're coming with you on Sunday. I mean, I am. Don't know about Levi, frankly speaking.

— Are you thinking on breaking up with him? — Hanji asked seriously, fixing her glasses.

— Well not yet. But soon this won't be enough for me. I'm needy and I'll need him to open up. I'm fine with him not sharing the details about his past. I've seen some of it, don't mind staying oblivious for the rest of my life. That's also his choice. And I respect it. But he's angry with me. He's not telling me anything. Like how he feels. But I can see that. Though, he did become more caring if we compare to when we started. If he doesn't tell me I'll be soon done. I'm dealing with my own emotions here and that's hard enough. And I need privacy. I need time alone. I need to have my own secrets. You see, thats the issue now: he wants me to tell him everything but he refuses to open up to me himself. Like we never discussed what happened to him when I was away. He just shuts up and changes the topic. Ah, I don't know what to do anymore...

Hanji took a moment to think about all you just said. Unfortunately, she was never known for offering support.

— Can I tell all of that to Levi? I mean do you want me to?

— I told you nothing but what I told him multiple times. So decide for yourself, — you shrugged your shoulders, a bit frustrated to not receiving the reaction and empathy you were looking for.

— (Y/N), I'm afraid I can't help you here, — Hanji laid back and relaxed. — I've known Levi for ages and, honestly, he's never been that obsessed about anyone or anything that he is with you. You're like his favourite porcelain cup he carries with him everywhere he goes. Or that ridiculous cravate he refuses to throw away. I have no idea what happened to you or between you two but the only thing I can suggest that you do is trust him. If you wanna leave him — do it, but trust is a different thing than a breakup. Many people in the past trusted him. Yeah, well, most of them are dead now but it's not the point. They never regretted following him into any fight. I don't see why you're so afraid to trust him. Trust that he understands. If not, he will never hurt you instead — that's one thing I'm sure of.

—  Thanks Hanji. I needed to hear this. Thanks for the talk. It was really helpful!

— Are you sure? I barely said anything, — Hanji snapped out of her serious self back to that mocking cheerful maniac.

— I'm sure! You see, most of the times you already know all the answers. You just need to find them inside you. But humans are complicated creatures: they need lanterns and some guidance to find the answers they seek.

— So what was I, — she smiled slyly, — a lantern or a guide?

— Definitely a lantern! — you exclaimed, — You lit my way but I still have little courage to face the horrible reality I've put myself in.

— And Levi will be you guide, won't he?

— No. Levi is the destination, — you headed to the doorway, inclined to go search for answers somewhere else, but then halted and asked Hanji a sudden request, — Do you happen to have a spare candle?

— Aren't you happy enough with the light I produced? — she sarcastically raised an eyebrow.

— It's bright but, unfortunately, useless in real life, — you chuckled.

— I might get offended, you know, — she scoffed and opened a drawer. — Here! Take this one!

Hanji handed you a simple wax candle and a box of matches.

— You're a true life saviour, Hanji! — you smiled and gave her a warm hug.

— So, tell me,  who'll provide the guidance your soul needs?