The Guy Who Fell In Love

His Saving Grace

Kanina pa nakaharap si Ashton sa laptop niya. He was hesitant to type something in his keyboard but he was stopped because of his anxiety. But, he was committed to do this just to stop his self from thinking about his sexuality.

Kinapa niya ang keyboard and he slowly type in the search engine the keyword that was bombarding inside of his head.

'Signs that you are gay'

Nagpakita ang maraming article about homosexuality. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang uunahin sa mga ito pero nagpindot na lang siya ng kung ano sa tingin niya ay tama. He was patiently reading the article of 10 Signs You Are Gay by Luke Bollington. Pero agad rin siyang nag-exit dahil wala naman doon lahat ng nabanggit. Hindi naman siya nanonood ng RuPaul's Drag Race o kaya'y meron siyang hair routine. He was confidently handsome kahit hindi na siya mag-ayos basta naliligo siya. He was not that self-conscious.

Nag-click na naman siya ng bagong link. He read the title and it says, How do I know If I am gay? Signs You Are Gay by Natasha Tracy. There are series of question in the article and Ashton think all of it.

Have I ever been sexually attracted to the same sex?

Iniisip nito kung sexually attracted ba siya kay Kai. Hindi naman niya pinagnanasahan si Kai. He just enjoy his company ngunit bigla itong nanlumo ng maisip 'yung time na nag-mamasturbate siya sa banyo and he was thinking of Kai that time accidentally. Counted pa ba iyon? He groan in frustration because of that thought. First question palang confusing na para sa kanya.

Do I feel strong emotional bonds to the same sex?

Hindi naman siya attracted sa kapwa niya lalake pero para sa kanya kakaiba si Kai. Kakaiba sa mga lalake at baklang nakasalamuha niya. He is an attractive one regardless of his gender and that strong emotional bonds was there whenever he was around.

Am I physically attracted to the same sex?

While he was thinking about that question, biglang sumagi sa isip nito ang mukha ni Kai. He has a feminine features and the way his lips curve to smile. Napangiti na lang si Ashton dahil nakikita niya ang maamong mukha ni Kai at agad-agad na sinampal ni Ashton ang mukha nitong ng marealize ang pagngiti niya.

'Baliw ka ba!' singhal nito sa sarili

Sa isip nito, willing naman siyang mag-take ng risk para kay Kai...para lang kay Kai.

Have I had sexual same-sex experiences in the past?

Hell nah! He never think about having relationship into same gender but when Kai came he was questioning his identity already.

Nagbasa pa si Ashton pero wala na siyang makita. Pinatay na niya lang ang laptop at napatulala na lang siya sa kawalan. Naisip nito ang kaibigan at lumabas siya ng unit niya. He need his friend advice right now. Pagdating niya sa floor ni Gideon ay eksaktong nakasalubong niya ito papunta sa unit niya.

"Tol, saan ka galing?" tanong nito dahil nakabihis pa siya at mukhang ginabi na ito ng uwi.

"Ah, may sinamahan lang ako. Why are you here?" casual na sagot ng kaibigan habang binubuksan ang pintuan nito.

"Tol, bakla na yata ako!" malakas niyang sigaw habang niyakap ang kaibigan at umaktong umiyak.

"Jesus, what are you doing? Halika nga!" inis na sabi ni Gideon dito at hinila siya papasok ng unit. Baka kung ano pa ang sasabihin ng tao dahil sa pinagsasabi ni Ashton sa hallway. Wala pa naman itong hiya.

"Tol, bakla na yata ako!" mangiyak na sabi nito habang umupo sa sofa.

"Bakit naman?" kunot na sabi ni Gideon habang tinatanggal ang snickers niya.