Letters To Ash [5sos Mashton AU] (boyxboy)

1.2

My grades still continued to drop. Every time I walked past my mum, she would look at me as if she were afraid I might either explode or deflate. She told me that I looked pale, thin, ill. She tried to get me to eat more, talk more, smile more. But it didn't work. It never worked.
I still counted the
Months,
Weeks,
Days,
Hours,
Minuets,
Seconds
Since Ashton had been gone.
I racked my brain, trying to remember our last conversation, his last smile, his last chuckle. It was so weird; thinking about someone who was so happy in a way that inflicts so much pain.
All these thoughts and feelings swarmed my brain as I walked to school every day, my head hung, avoiding eye contact with all human beings. Some days were worse than others, some days I just wanted to end it all. But I knew I couldn't do that.
I had to wait.
For him.
* *
'What are you thinking about?' A voice startled me as I was staring at my blank page in front of me in algebra.
'What?' I replied, looking up to find Calum smiling down at me.
'What are you thinking about?' He repeated, sitting down at my table.
'Nothing.' I grumbled.
'Michael, please.'
'Please what?' I snapped.
He looked a little taken aback by my sudden outburst, but leaned back in his chair slightly and looked at me like he was processing me. He breathed out his nose and blinked a few times.
'Mike,' Calum leaned forward towards me and rested his elbow on the table so that I was the only one who could hear his lowered voice. 'Me and Luke.... we're worried about you. Why can't you see that? We want to help you, but you won't let us in anymore.'
His words pierced through my soul like a thousand pins and needles. My breath became ragged in my throat and I slowly scrubbed my face with the palms of my hands.
'I'm sorry.' I sighed. 'I don't mean to make you feel that way.... I just...'
'Just what?' Calum interrupted.
I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes, forcing myself not to give in to emotion. I sighed and slowly pulled my hand away, looking into Calum's eyes for support. I thought about lying, forgetting that this ever happened, but I couldn't deny the fact that what I was feeling was eating me alive. It was chipping away at my already broken heart, and I was on the edge of falling, of dying. I needed to tell someone, and it was in that moment that I only just realised it.
'It's Ashton, isn't it?' Calum asked, catching me off guard.
I opened my mouth to say something but decided against it and just nodded my head instead.
'Michael, we really need to talk about this. It's not right for you to be locked up in that head of yours.' Calum pointed to my head with his finger to emphasise his point. 'Come to the library at lunch. Me and Luke will be there. We'll talk things through.' Calum saw my expression and took it as a sign of doubt. 'Don't worry, it'll be fine. We'll listen to what you have to say. We won't try and tell you to do anything. We just wanna know what's wrong.'
'Mr Hood, break is over. Now is not the time to be socialising, now is the time to be learning.' Our algebra teacher suddenly appeared at my table and startled Calum so much that he almost fell off his chair.
'Yes sir, sorry sir.' Calum mumbled, picking up his bag and standing up. Just as he was retreating to his seat, on the other side of the room, he turned around and gave me a comforting smile, instantly warming my freezing heart.
When Calum and the teacher had gone, I rolled my pen in my fingers, sighed and placed it to the blank piece of paper in front of me.