The Least Favorite Cameron

Chapter Four

 John B. brought me back home on the HMS Pogue and kissed me goodnight on the dock. As I walked through my backyard it looked like the whole house was dark and I wondered if Rose was really just bluffing about staying up and sending Rafe if I didn't come home. I was just about to go into my bedroom when I heard someone behind me.

"Rafe what the fuck are you doing? You scared me!" I said to him in a low whisper.

"12:30? Cutting it close, I was about to come pick you up" He says and follows me into my room.

"Why Rafe? Why do you care so much that I hang out with my friends?" I say as I get annoyed.

"Because they're dangerous, they always get involved in bad stuff and you're better than them" He says as he sits on the edge of my bed.

"Rafe, when are you going to get it through your head that they are my best friends, my only friends, and they are the best people in the world. You wanna talk about doing dangerous things? How much cocaine do you have on you right now Rafe?" I was mad now. Rafe always acts like the Pogues are a different species and like the kooks are so much better. I hate the whole pogues vs kooks thing, it's ridiculous.

Rafe, obviously angry at my comment, gets up from the bed and charges at me.

"Will you shut the fuck up? Let me handle my shit okay? I'm fine Gracie but you won't be if you keep hanging out with those pogues!" He was right in front of me now almost yelling but not loud enough that it would wake the others.

"Are you threatening me Rafe? Is that where we're at now? You're going to threaten your little sister just because you don't like who I hang out with?"

"I just want you to be safe, okay? Am I the bad guy for wanting to keep my family safe?"

I soften a little at Rafe's comment, he always tries so hard but things never quite go the way he wants. He practically begs for our Dad's approval but it never seems like enough.

"Rafe, I'm okay, I am being safe. Please you have to let this whole pogues vs kook thing go" I say to him as I have a hundred times before. We've had this fight so many times about how I shouldn't be with the pogues, how I'm not a real pogue, or how being with them is dangerous.

"Rafe you're the one not being safe. You have to stop using those drugs. That is what's dangerous here" This however is a new argument for us. We've never actually talked about it before only that what hes doing is dumb and if dad finds out hes screwed.

"I'm taking care of it, okay? I don't do it a lot"

"Rafe, are you high right now?" I already knew the answer, his eyes were bloodshot and his pupils were dilated and his behavior alone could have given him away. He's always much more antsy and energetic when he's high.

"Listen Gracie, I'm taking care of it" He says and he almost seems embarrassed.

"It doesn't seem like it, Rafe. Please stop using, please stop talking to Barry. Rafe, please." I'm begging him now. I don't want to lose him to this type of life. I know he has issues that he needs to work on and our dad needs to start helping him. It's as if he doesn't want to admit that one of his children isn't perfect, even though none of us are. I reach out to hug him and he lets me for a second before he pushes me away which I am not surprised by. Rafe doesn't like to show any sort of affection or give any sign that he actually cares about others but I know he does.

"I'm taking care of it" He says once more and then he's about to leave my room but he stops.

"Whose sweatshirt is that? I've never seen you wear it"

"Uh, it's new" I say trying to hide the anxiety in my voice.

"No, it's not." He says and then leaves.

I lay back on my bed and turn on my tv which I use to help me sleep. I put on nick at night and hear the Friends theme song start playing. I curl up under the covers in John B's sweatshirt, a sweatshirt that very obviously is not new and Rafe saw that. I'm just thankful he didn't push the conversation any further, although I'm sure he knew exactly whose it was. Rafe wasn't dumb, he could be a little crazy, but he was smart. I push my anxious thoughts away and breathe in John B's scent from his sweatshirt. There was a faint smell of his old spice deodorant mixed with the scent of salty ocean air and I let his scent lull me to sleep.