𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐃𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐘

Chapter Six: Saudade

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sau·​da·​de |  /souˈdädə/

(n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains"

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It was rather late at my apartment, and I was growing rather tired. The fatigue from the day's exciting events was finally starting to settle into me. The time read approximately 9:30 pm, and the sun had long since settled beyond the horizon. The sky was a sea of ink, with minuscule specks of light sprinkled across its surface. Truly a beautiful sight to behold.

I pulled my gaze from the heavens, turning away from the window to face my temporary roommate with a sigh. "It's a shame you can't see it outside." I said. "No clouds. You can see the stars very clearly."

Ballora shook her head. "I'll pass. I never had an interest in things like that."

"Neither did I." I told her. "But Techno got me into it. He-"

I paused, looking down, as the memory of Techno and I on the roof of that old Italian restaurant filled my mind. The night was only beginning to fall, and the stars were faded in the sky, but visible.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" his voice percolated in my ears as if he were right beside me, and for a moment, I almost thought he was. Could almost feel his warmth as he stood close to me, could almost see his smile, his eyes lighting up behind his mask.

"Wonder?"

And then it was gone. I glanced back up at Ballora. "Hm?"

"You stopped speaking." she said. "What's wrong?"

"Why do you care?" I asked, keeping my voice even.

"I don't, but just tell me."

"I..." I tried to speak, but could feel my throat closing up as grief filled my soul, the thought of Techno too much to handle.

"I just...really miss him." I murmured. "Besides Glitch, he was all I had. And now that I don't have him anymore..."

I could feel the weightless pressure of a tear as it slipped down my cheek, like the smallest fraction of my emotions condensed into a salty liquid, fallen from my eyes. My voice shaky, I forced myself to continue. "He's dead because...because I was too weak to save him. I could've pulled him away, but I didn't. All I have left of him now are memories, and they're like daggers in my heart."

"Not for long." Ballora said.

"What do you mean?"

A wistful look appeared in her eyes. "Las Nevadas was like a home to me." she told me. "Working there was one of the best experiences of my life. I had made so many friends and memories there, and when it was blown up, that place that I had come to know and love was gone."

A small smile made its way across her lips. "But when I think of it now, I don't feel sadness. I feel gratitude. Do you want to know why?"

"No." I said shortly, wiping away the tear. "And I don't care. I'm going to bed now. I will simply bid you goodnight."

I turned away from Ballora, moving over to the couch. I didn't get very far, however, before she called my name again.

"Wonder." her voice was low and even, devoid of emotion. I turned around again.

"For some people, love and attachments are their source is strength. They think with their heart, rather than their head, and let their feelings drive them to victory. For others however, love will always be their most crippling weakness. People like us are better off unencumbered."

I tilted my head. "Us?" I repeated. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said it yourself, Wonder." she continued. "You said that Technoblade is dead because of your weakness, but you never once considered the possibility that your weakness...was him."

I felt the sadness begin to dissipate from my body, quickly being replaced with anger at her words.

"My weakness...? My weakness?!" I snapped, my voice rising dangerously. "Techno was a SAINT! He was the reason why I fought, the reason why I'm still alive today!" More tears began to fall from my eyes, and my voice broke. "The only person who truly loved me and now he's gone! And I have nothing left!"

Ballora stared me in the eyes, completely unfazed by my words. "A man with nothing that he loves...is a man that cannot be bargained. A man that cannot be betrayed. A man that answers to no one but himself!"

"And if he's forced to fight?" I retorted. "He'll have nothing to aid him, no one by his side! He won't have a reason to fight, and he'll fall! Someone with something they love has something to fight for! That's the reason why I fight for everything that I do; to protect those I love!"

"You fought to save me..." Ballora murmured quietly.

"What?"

"You fought to keep me alive, to bring me here." she told me. "Surely that wasn't an act of love, was it?"

A silence descended upon the room as the air was filled with tension. I opened my mouth to speak, before closing it and shaking my head. "That...that was different." I said.

"How so?"

"I don't...love you." I huffed, forcing confidence into my voice. "That's ridiculous." I turned away from her again. "I'm tired, alright? Let's just go to sleep."

"Fine." she muttered.

I returned to the couch and laid down on its soft surface, pulling the blankets over my body. "Goodnight, Ballora." I murmured.

"Goodnight, Wonder."

I closed my eyes, a quiet sigh escaping me as I felt myself drifting off. What a day this has been.