Freedom

Chapter 17: The Child in the Man

When Zuko began to rise from his slumber, he felt the hard mattress beneath him. He recognized the thin blanket draped haphazardly over him. His eyes stirred beneath the lids before fluttering open.

He saw the light from his window lighting the metal walls, but only enough that he could make out fuzzy shapes. He felt like he was out of his own body. His whole body ached and felt heavy. He moved to sit up but his body stayed still, not listening to his thoughts.

His mind felt betrayed, and his body no longer wanted to listen. But he forced himself to sit up, his muscles creaking as he did.

He tried to get his mind to focus on his surroundings but everything was blurry. It was almost peaceful to be so out of touch with his surroundings that seemed so cruel. He saw the way the light glistened against the cool metal. He could see the rays of light beaming in, creating soft rainbows in the air.

He couldn't help but think to himself,

Maybe hell could be beautiful too.

Zuko remembered the men that came back from the post and the way the light glistened in their eyes, as if their bodies were not there. Was this why? Was it because they never wanted to come back?

For a moment, he wondered if he could let himself do the same. He could walk through life lazily for the next few days, then he would be executed, and he would move on to whatever came next. That seemed so simple, so easy. He understood why so many men fell into it.

But he knew his last few days of life were approaching. Did he want to spend them in a slumber?

He forced his body up, as much as his mind protested the fast motions. He could almost hear the voice in his head, begging him to slow down, begging him to give in.

Zuko paced back and forth, forcing his mind to catch up with his body, to catch up to present day.

But the action only made it all happen at once.

Mother's sweet smile.

Azula's devil eyes.

Uncle's choked screams.

Katara's eyes, soaked with blood.

Was it real? Or was it all happening inside his head?

He fell to his knees, clutching his skull as the images ingrained into his memory. Now he knew why the men stayed in the haze, it was easier then remembering what came before.

Tears pricked his eyes and flooded down his face.

He didn't know how long he sat with his head in his hands, trying to decipher with memories were real.

Did his father capture the Avatar? And Katara along with him? Did the man in white torture Katara while Zuko was under so he would see her when he awoke?

Or was it all just mirage? A way to ruin his last few days breathing?

His tears had long since dried as he stared into the metal of the floor. Maybe the fog would be easier, anything would be easier then this.

He felt himself being pulled back under, into the fog of lost souls. But a knock pulled him back to reality.

"Prisoner. Step Away from the door."