Mackenzie's Critique Shop

🌼 The Lady Inside | SophiaCathBuama

*Watch out for mistakes and misspellings.*

A truly well-crafted mystery that will keep you on the edge of your seat until the very end. 

Opening comments:

First of all, I'm aware this took--if not weeks, months--of waiting. And I am terribly sorry. School just really came at me full force and I wasn't able to find any footing. So yeah, add that in with some rising health issues and stuff...I just can't find the time, or motivation to do anything. But hey! I'm here now and here is your review!

Don't feel shy to add inline comments if you have any inquiries, reactions or pm me if you have anything you can't understand in my critique. 

First Impressions:

The cover is good, but it isn't fit for the story. I actually originally thought this would be another historical, young adult book. Turns out it was far from what it actually is. Your story is a young adult, thriller mystery. The color palette, the picture and the font betrays all the aspects these genres need to have to convey a feeling and to reel their target audience. Yellow, unless otherwise used in a creative/artistic manner or a paler shade of yellow, does not belong in your genre. I also don't understand where in the book it states a girl with a flowing white dress reminiscent that of 'running in the castle hallways' aesthetic.  

Considering your genre, I would suggest a darker tone for your cover. Avoid using cursive fonts like in your recent cover, solely unless used in passive aggressive context or with a hint of edge or malice.  

Now for the title, I think it's fine. The action-mystery part could really be established better in the cover. But I saw the other books of this series and realized they're all the same title? As far as my knowledge in series goes, these books usually have a title of their own rather than just being 'book 1' and 'book 2.' 

For example, there's those series whose titles go like: Genius: The Game, Genius: The Con, and Genius: The Revolution. Thus this series is called Genius series. Some other examples of these kinds of titles is The School for Good and Evil series, for example: The School for Good and Evil: A World Without Princes, The School for Good and Evil: Happily Never After. Some could also be like this: Children of Blood and Bone and Children of Virtue and Vengeance. Another example of this type of series titles is the: His Hidden Warriors and His Wandering Warriors. 

It doesn't seem so complete if the only thing distinguishing your books from the other is the label 'book 1' and 'book 2' and the differences in colors, but other than that nothing else. 

My first impression on the blurb is: generic. There are more exciting aspects in your story than just simply about Andei's rage for whoever killed her parents. Because when you phrase the blurb like this, with only a single aspect of the story in mind, it wouldn't really instill the need to read your book into the reader. This blurb also doesn't show much, or if anything at all, of what your book's going to be about. We don't know the inciting incident, just the fact that Andei wants to avenge her parents. 

Why don't you use Carl's death as the inciting incident instead? Since it is the turning point of the story.  

But now we move into the opening chapter. 

The opening chapter is...confusing to say the least. This is where I have a couple problems. First of all, you shocked your readers into the story, not suck them in. The writing was vague, too vague. The pacing was fast, but not the good kind of fast. You see, it's critical that you ease your readers into your story and not shock or confuse them too much.