Come, Josephine

Chapter 44

1928
  I went up to Ruth's room without hesitation. I had passed Nick so quickly that he did not have time to argue, but upon reaching the landing, I could hear him call softly up the stairs, "Josie, don't say something you'll regret."
   I looked over the banister and nodded, unsurprised to see that he was waiting nervously by the foot of the stairs. It was like Nick to be carefree in spirit, but cautious in nature; while he had no qualms about jumping on a train to complete the gruelling journey to me, he always thought his actions through, even when angry. He would never turn down an adventure, but never acted in haste. Where there was a balance to be struck, Nick never failed.
I gave him a shaky smile, and turned to knock on Ruth's door. Was I doing the right thing? Things could go very badly... and yet...
I knocked on the door, and Ruth called out, "Rose? Is that you?"
Despite mamma's condition, she sat with Ruth for most of the day, mostly sewing or reading. She never complained about having to spend time with her, although the short time I spent with her each day was draining.
"It's me, grandmother," I called in.
"Come in, Josephine."
I entered cautiously, nervously smoothing my skirt. Why had I not changed? I should have worn one of my better dresses, and not worn the old brown one I practically lived in.
I prayed her wouldn't notice as I crossed the room, and sat in the chair beside her bed. I sat down, shaking, as she eyed me.
"What is it, Josephine?" She asked, coldly.
"I've come to ask you for a favour, of sorts," I said, "we have our farm-labourer here. He came to bring us money and such, to be of help to us, but he has nowhere to sleep."
"So you wish for me to give him a bedroom?" She glared at me, "do you really think I'm that daft in my old age, Josephine? I will not have help sleeping anywhere but the servant's quarters, and the maid already occupies that part of the house."
"I understand, grandmother, I really do, and that's why he was sleeping in the stables," I pleaded, "but it is cold out there, and his health is suffering."
"Really, Josephine, don't be ludicrous! Do you really think-"
"I am in debt to him," I continued to plead.
"Oh?"
"Last year, Caledon Hockley tried to have us shot," I revealed, "and when Nick and I were bleeding out on the floor, Nick carried me to safety. It was the only reason I survived. He took a bullet through the shoulder, and it now pains him in the cold, which is why he cannot sleep outside much longer."
   She looked at me, eyes wide, "Caledon Hockley..."
   "He was enraged that my mamma survived and wanted us all dead as a result. When we all survived the attempt on our lives, he killed himself."
   The small lie seemed plausible, and she took my word for gospel. I was sure that mamma and Jack would not be happy that I had told her, but if it meant Nick could sleep inside, I was willing to take the risk of facing their wrath.
   She nodded, slowly, "I've heard stories of the same caliber before, particularly from your mother. I would usually take this as an insult to my intellect, Josephine, but I dismissed something similar to this before, and it lead to... unfortunate circumstances. The boy may sleep in the small bedroom downstairs- the one leading off from the kitchen."
   I smiled, and thanked her profusely. It was certainly shocking that she would allow Nick to sleep in the house, particularly because I knew she had some indication of my feelings towards him. For someone who had been so harsh, she was being more generous than Jack, or even mamma. A pang of sadness hit with that a only a moment longer before excusing myself to tell Nick. He would be relieved, no doubt, although perhaps irked by the risk I had taken. But what did it matter? As long as he got to sleep in the warm, I couldn't complain.
   I opened the door, and went to slip out noiselessly. However, as I went to walk out, I found someone was blocking my path. I bumped into them, almost carelessly assuming that it was Nick. I figured he had been nervously eavesdropping, perhaps anticipating her response. I looked up, only to see that it was an equally familiar, but unwelcome face.
   "I was looking for your ma..." Jack's voice trailed off, and something dark crossed his face. Before I could amend anything, he recovered, "I heard everything. I need you to listen to me, Josie: Nick has to leave."
   "What, why?" I stumbled over my words, taken aback a little.
   "You've disobeyed me, Josie, and I think Nick is having a bad influence over you," his voice was calm, deadly, "you're acting recklessly, and it's not good for your ma. She has a lot on her plate right now, and I need you to listen to what I am asking of you."
   "It's a two way street, Jack." I snapped, "all I ask is that he has somewhere half decent to sleep. What is with you? You were perfectly alright with Nick until the other morning."
   "When he came down from your room, Josie, that's where I drew the line. You're acting irresponsibly, and I've ask you to curb your behaviour and you've ignored me."
   "So you're going to punish me? I was doing the right thing!"
   "For who?"
   "For the person I want to spend the rest of my life with- surely you can understand that?"
   There was a pause, "I won't let you marry Nick ever if you can't manage your relationship with him and your ma. Is that understood?"
   My eyes burned, and vision wobbled. For the first time, I felt like there was no way out. I was backed into a corner- and I would have to choose Nick, or mamma. How could I?
   I saw the look on Jack's face, and the hurt that rested there. What had I done? In my love for Nick, I had most likely ruined any respect that Jack had had for me. Our friendship was long over, I realised. As much as we would always be father and daughter, it seemed we had lost admiration for each other.
I suppressed a sob, "I never thought you would be like this, Jack."
   Something mournful crossed his face, "I know."
   I felt like crawling into a ball, or pounding my way into the ground. Everything was caving in around me, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.