Come, Josephine

Chapter 27

1928

   Mamma woke me as she did every morning, despite the fact I had only had a mere hour's sleep- or at least, the final time I had conceded and glanced at the clock, it had been nearing five-thirty.
   I did not tell her that I had not slept. That would only lead to questions that I was not prepared to answer. Instead, I forced myself to appear bright and alert. I helped on the farm, as always, while mamma went into town to work. Jack and I worked in unison, as always, and it was a miracle alone that I made it to lunch.
   Jack and I had just finished hauling hay about the loft when we sat down. Panting and dripping with sweat, even mamma might be slightly irked by the sight. My hair had fallen out of the bun I usually held it up in, and strands of damp hair clung to my nape and forehead. Jack was equally as exhausted from the work, and our warm coats had been tossed over a low beam, and the nip in the air was quite satisfying.
I took the canteen that he offered me, taking a long swig before returning it. I waited for him to finish his own drink before speaking, "Jack, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," he smiled, a little cautiously, "something up?"
"No- not really. I just have a question about mamma- is she... okay?"
He gave a surprised chuckled, "of course she is, you know, she's pretty tough. I know she's been kind of... stressed recently, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind talking about it, if your worried."
I shook my head, "no, I mean- Jack, what happened to mamma and you while you were away?"
I bit my lip, and inwardly cursed. I didn't want to make mamma cry, or make Jack tense again, but I had to know in order to make peace with what had happened. As Nick had said- it's no good worrying about what you don't know when you won't even ask about the truth.
To my surprise, he answered immediately, "we went to Cal's estate, expecting a civilised affair, but he had other ideas. He got his manservants to haul me outside, knock me out and drown me in a river. I was lucky that some woman found me- and lucky that I survived. I was wondering the streets of Philadelphia when your mamma came running down the street. I don't really know what happened to her before then, why?"
"She killed Cal, didn't she?" I asked, trying to meet his eyes. Mamma had been honest about what she had done, but it was still difficult to believe.
"Yes."
I nodded, slowly, "what did he do to her?"
"Then? I don't know. I also know very little about what happened before I met her, to be honest," he smiled sadly, "but I don't think it's wise to ask her."
"Why?"
"Because she has healed, Josie, and that's something I don't want to undo."
   Jack was right; it would do no good to stir up the past when it had already scabbed over. Why upset mamma when there was very little reason to?
We finished up and went inside for lunch and then worked for an hour or two more before finishing for the day. Jack, seemingly aware that something was wrong with me, halted me before we could go inside.
"Everything alright, kid?" He said.
"Yes," I tried to ignore the look of concern written across his face, "just slept poorly."
"Why?" He prodded with a distinctly causal tone.
   I pondered whether or not to be candid. If I was truthful, perhaps Jack would worry more than he should. He could tell mamma, and upset her; it seemed unlikely, but I couldn't be certain. It would be unfair to burden Jack. He didn't need the added stress of worrying about something that couldn't be fixed.
   "It's just overthinking," I said in a breezy fashion.
   "Just?" He said, "well, sometimes it's good to talk about what's bothering you."
   "I know, but it's just silliness. You know when you are half-asleep and just... forget yourself?"
   He seemed to catch on, "of course. You know, that happened to me. After the sinking, mostly, but a little after what happened recently. It's like you're reliving it, right?"
   "Right."
    He let out a heavy sigh, "well, you know where I am, right? Come get me if you need me- any time, anywhere- just come get me, okay?"
   "You don't mind?" I said.
   "Of course not," he smiled as I hugged him, "I'm your dad, that's what we're supposed to do."