Unexpectedness of life [Between life and death]

5. 'The visitor and letters'

A/N 

This is going to be the very emotional chapter for me to write, because this thing hit me a different way now. When I know what he did and why. Now it is so much easier to understand those decision when I am older. 

When I started to write the og version of this story I hesitated so long time because I was scared of those emotions that this story will bring with. 

The Central hospital, Indiana

Cal 

Hey Grace

It's your daddy here. You may not recognize me, you are so young to understand yet. Before I leave I needed to see you, my beautiful little daughter. I need to go, even if I don't want to. But need to be somewhere, but remember that neither you or your mom never did anything wrong, the time just was not right. My name is Cal but it is better that you don't know me. The fact just would make your moms life so much sadder. 

I do have an another family now and I do need to take care of them. But I will never forget you. You are the best that ever have happened for me. I am so sorry that you were not able to meet me as person. You will not remember my visit at here. But will not be alone. This decision will be the best for all of us. I wish that someday you will understand. When you are older I would like to meet you, then we will be able to speak things if you want to. 

Like your father also I work for military and this life is not easy. I am sure that my brother will do everything that your life is the best. When me and your mom got to know about you, I was not the kindest person alive. A brutally left her alone and did not even sent a message. But then I told for my brother about you and asked if he could take care of you and your mom. Just in case that something happens for me. We are the person that hardly never are at home. The life of soldier is not like the piece of cake, but it is the most rich life that you possible could have. The moment when you realize that at the same time you sacrificed yourself you saved the many persons. 

You know your mother is the biggest fighter, even when she was forced to keep you as secret at the beginning she managed to do that. Being a single parent is not easy and luckily she will not be alone, she will have you. So Grace Marie Lancaster open this letter just when you are at least thirteen year old. Then you will maybe understand why I did what I did. 

- with love your father Cal Waters 

I just came to the neonatal ward of the hospital. I am going to visit at my daughters room. I did already wrote a letter for her, i will leave the letter inside of her hospital bed also I did bought a little stuffed animal for her. 

Hazel does not know about my surprise visit and I do think it is the best, we are not at the best relation ship now, and I think that she hates me so much after what did I do for her all those six months ago. But I was drunk, and did not think rationally. I was stupid, because I did know that she was dating with my twin brother. What can you say at this situation, 'sorry but I am not him, I just look exactly like him!' If this was a one sick joke I would be laughing so bad, but I know this is not... This is a reality and I need to face it without fear.

My brother did say that Grace did open her eyes at the first time a couple weeks ago. But now she is sleeping and smiling at the same time. She is such a cutie pie, and that totally will be a problem when she is older. I do really hope that Hazel and Gus look after her when she is teenager. But anyway I am so grateful that my little daughter did get rid of the mechanical breathing machine. Now she is breathing with nasal cannula which is easier to carry with while transporting her from one room to another. 

I also heard that Hazel will soon get out of the hospital [yeah I did ask from my brother, I was a looser and did not meet her like I should have!] I am happy for her, she have faced so many difficulties in her life that she deserves to have an easier life sometimes. But I am not ready to speak with her, not now or never! I am sorry. She does have him now, I just don't wanna to mess her whole life again. So I also leave the letter for her. 

Hey Hazel!

How have you been recently? How did you felt after you got know from Grace? Were you happy? Sad? Depressed? I hope that you did not tried to hurt yourself because of this. If you did then I will never forgive myself. I am so sorry that I just left you alone without a word. But in that morning when I woke up and saw you next to me I was in completely shock, what had I just done. How could I possible do that for my brother. Yeah you were drunk too, and maybe did not even at first realize what had just happened. 

Just after I got out of my room I saw my brother standing next to the room. I grabbed his hand and walked out of the house. And then I told everything for him. I was not able to keep a secret, and why would have i? He had right to know and you did not needed to tell then. So the situation was fine then, I used to think... But really it is not that simple, when the thing happened you were sixteen so actually what I did do was some kind a crime! And I am so sorry about that. I did ruin your whole life. I stole something from you, something that was important for you. Something that you were meant to share with my brother. 

Because of the horrible mistake I did seven months ago I also want to do something good. I want to pay all of the Grace's hospital bills. I will not do this by feeling guiltiness but because I want to. I do wish everything good to your life. Now I will disappear from your life forever. You will have the happy life with my brother, because you deserve that. 

- Cal 

Hazel

Now have been several weeks and finally I will get out of hospital. But ques what, Cal visited at here. He left the letter for me, but I still hate him so much. What he did was so wrong and not a single thing will heal the mental wounds he left to me. In the letter hi asked if I was suicidal or depressed, I won't tell anything because it is non of your business. It is the thing that just I alone will be about to know. 

My sweet daughter is now almost one and half months old. The time flies so quickly when you are at the hospital. But it is sad because I have missed the most time of Graces first weeks. But luckily Augustus was allowed to be at her hospital room at the NICU [neonatal intensive care unit]. He had spent almost every day with her. And Grace looks like a happy baby, she does smile so much. She does have grown up so quickly, the only problem is the little lungs of her. Just like me also she will need the nasal cannula but hopefully she will get rid of them some day. 

The doctors did find out that Grace does have the heart disease. And when she will get out of here [hopefully soon] she needs the annual heart controls. And maybe also some surgeries. But I am not sad because for the whole time I have known that she will survive. Although the doctors and nurses have said that she would die. I never lost the hope.