Unexpectedness of life [Between life and death]

1. 'The life changer'

2020/4/1

 8:00 AM

I have been at hospital now for one week because of breathing difficulties. The section time for the baby has been planned for today 3:00 PM. There at the room can be only a few persons because of the corona. So just the Gus and my big brother are at here now. They came back from army yesterday night and were right away tested for Covid, but because both of testes became back negative they are allowed to stay with me. 

My big brother just left the room, he said that he needs a grande mug of coffee. And Gus is eating the chocolate bar next to me. What a jerk, he knew that I want to eat things too but I can't now, because the operation will be made during the couple hours! For six months I have not been allowed to drink coffee, and that has became a problem because I do love coffee. 

The friends from military has left some presents for me at here. There are for example some lovely little clothes for baby girl, some get well soon - cards and million flowers. The absolutely favorite clothing was the cute baby size army onesie. 

Yes I am from soldier family, my father is General and mom is sergeant. That's kinda cool, always at school when someone bullied me my father only needed to scream loudly and then the whole room was silent. Let me tell you... General Peter Lancaster is at the same time the most respected and feared person. And so am I now when I have attended to military for seven years. 

Well Augustus is insane from this whole baby thing. He is not able to understand that while he was at the military service for the past six months there was a little new life growing inside of me. And to be honest this has also been a weird things for me too. I am just sixteen year old [will be seventeen during couple months]. Its hard to realize that this baby is going to born today. Tonight I am going to be a mother. 

When we got to know a few months ago that the baby is going to be a girl, we discussed about the name. Augustus said that Grace could be a perfect name for her, the name reminds him from me. And is fits well with the daughter of two soldiers. Because sadly yes in the war soldiers do not feel any grace for the enemies. 

To be honest I am so scared for both of me and my unborn baby. Gus needed to leave the hospital for few hours, so I am all alone with my terrible thoughts. By fact Grace is not the biological baby of Augustus. Six months ago I was at the party with my military friends and also was so drunk that I was not able to separate he and his twin brother Cal from each others. I used to think that the boy was Augustus. But that is not my fault, Cal had an opportunity to tell that he was not Gus! He did not, instead of telling he decided brutally use me and then disappear. 

I am not saying that Grace was a mistake, I am just telling that the situation was a mistake. The thing happened with the wrong person! The worst thing is that Augustus does not know anything from this. And I am not ready to tell yet. This whole thing has been such a mess for me too. I am not sure how the tell him and when is the correct time and place...