Diamond's Summer

5. Summer

Tears trickled down my cheeks lazily after I got tired of wiping them. The warmth from the fire tickled my skin and the sounds of constant tug of war from the waves made it easier to sit next to Diamond.

I had so much on my chest. All I wanted to do was cry.

I didn't though. Not with Diamond next to me.

When I realized the blunt we were smoking was gone, I sighed and put my eyes back on the water.

It was soothing, watching small waves crash against the shore.

I wasn't relaxed though. Not even after smoking. I could probably smoke fifty blunts and a couple of joints and my heart would still be broken.

"Can you play again?" I asked Diamond after we sat in a comfortable silence for a while.

She looked at me with an uncomfortable look on her face, like she wanted to say no. But she didn't.

I watched her pick up the violin with grace and I couldn't pull my eyes away from her.

When she closed her eyes, mine shifted in the direction of the ocean again.

Anastasia was my best friend. Growing up, I remember begging for a little sister. I prayed. I asked Santa. I even tried to order one on Amazon when I was eight.

So when my mama sat me down one day and told me I was gonna be a big sister, I was ecstatic.

I looked over at Diamond to see her lost in her own world while she filled the night air with cotton soft music that covered my skin in goosebumps.

The deeper she got into the song, the longer I watched her.

She was at peace while she played. The kind of peace I wanted to feel. The kind that I knew Ana felt when I finally accepted she was ready to go.

Without realizing it, I started crying again.

Ana is really never coming back.

"Are you...okay?" The music stopped and Diamond looked at me with big brown eyes.

"Yeah." I nodded, wiping the tears away quickly. "Anastasia wanted to come to the beach so bad."

"That's a pretty name." She smiled so I did too even if it didn't reach my eyes.

"She had a pretty soul too...even though she knew she was gonna die." I looked away when my voice cracked because I didn't want to look her in her face and break down in tears.

So I kept talking.

"I don't really want to be on vacation the day after I buried my little sister. I'm trying not to be a party pooper because I know they need breaks from their lives too...shit is just hard."

It feels good to get that off my chest.

"Your friends...um." Diamond scrunched her face up and made me laugh. "I'm sure they'd understand if you needed some time to yourself."

I shook my head and shrugged.

"I'm sorry. My bad. I don't mean to dump all my shit on you." I cleared my throat and finally pulled my eyes away from Diamond's glistening brown skin under the fires glow.

"It's fine.. I'd be lying if I said I understand what you're going through. I can't imagine how that must feel. I'll let you have some privacy. You can sit out here, and just cry in the front fire pit and look out at the ocean like a sad music video.." She chuckled.

I bet she was ready to escape my pity party... we're all on vacation. Just like I can't expect my friends to sit here and be sad with me, I definitely can't expect it from a stranger.

I didn't really want her to go because I liked looking at her but I didn't stop her when she stood up and left either.

"I'm gonna miss you, Ana." I said out loud as I stared out into the ocean.

The wind blew a hard chill down my spine as acceptance washed over me.

I spent an hour outside before I got cold and went to lay down.

It was only midnight so I knew the girls weren't gonna be back for another couple of hours at least.

I know I told myself I would stay off of my phone during this trip but five minutes after snuggling in bed with Ana's favorite Naruto hoody, I found myself scrolling through our text thread with happy and sad tears running down my rosy cheeks.

Damn. I'm really gonna miss her.

"Best frienddddd!" Ash opened my door and entered without knocking first. I rolled my eyes and pulled the blanket over my head.

"Hey." She said, sitting next to me and leaning against the headboard.

"I don't wanna turn up tonight, Ash." I groaned from under the covers.

"We don't have to turn up. I just wanna chill with my best friend." She said nonchalantly.

I sit up straight and pull the blanket from over my head.

"Did you bring food?" I asked.

"Obviously I brought food." She grinned and held up a wrapped foot long sandwich from Subway. "Found some weed too."

No matter where she went, Ashleigh had the ability to find weed like a good hunting dog. I shook my head and reached for the food.

"Where's tweedle Dee and tweedle dumb?" I asked as I unraveled half of the chicken bacon and ranch sub.

Awww, my best friend loves me enough to know my order. I bit into it and smiled when I noticed the extra pickles right away.

"At a bar. I wanted to come check on you and chill just us for a lil' bit and Hanna was doin' too much."

I nod but focus on eating my sandwich. Hanna always does the most when we go out. I kinda got used to it which is part of the reason I didn't wanna go out with them today.

"I talked to Diamond." I told her.

"Yeah? How'd that go, best friend?"

"Girl, why you smiling so hard? It was just a conversation. Oh and I listened to her play her violin." I smiled and closed my eyes at the recent memory.

"Did you kiss her?"

I laughed and shook my head.

"Why would I kiss that girl? I don't know her."

"So you wouldn't kiss her because you don't know her but not because you're not gay?"

"You're reaching, Ash. She's really pretty, that's obvious. But I'm not here thinking about anybody other than Ana." I vented and picked at the pickles that fell on the napkin in my lap.

Ashleigh sighed.

"Maybe you should try to think of somebody else, Summer...just to breathe a lil'..." she cleared her throat nervously. "I'm not tryna..."

"Nah, it's okay. You're right. I just don't know how to do anything other than think and worry about Ana." I groaned again and put my head in my hands.

It's all I've known since I was thirteen.

"I'm sorry."

And I know she means it.

She lost her grandma to breast cancer a few years ago and I was the rock she needed to deal with that. Hearing her say 'I'm sorry' doesn't piss me off like it does every time someone else says it to me because I know she really gets it.

Hell, I'm sorry too.