a small story on a relationship that sparked years ago ending terribly in heart break and hate, years latter reunited, but here's the catch, he's a world wide known actor, and she's working part time in a shitty book store.
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smut, drugs. being 16 was very hard for me, it was weird all through the early years of school and even high school I always seemed to surround myself with friends or at least have one close friend I trusted with my life, but as I grew up and my life at home grew worse I think I grew worse as a person and reflected my personal issues out in my social life.
so one by one each of my friends slowly disappeared, and it was just me. It was hard loosing them, I made the best memories with each of them, and my heart gets the worse sort of pain when I think about it.
i still don't know if I did something particularly bad and they all hated me, or if it by the end of the line I had become not a nice person to be around, maybe I subconsciously pushed all of them away so I could be what I was use to, alone.
I didn't mind being alone it was what I learnt, how I grew. In a cold home, no warm new toys, no warm hugs or assurance that I was loved.
so my anxiety grew, I pushed all the warm things away, and became a hated person. i thought the world revolved around me, which is really not a great mindset to be in.
my grades got worse. my life got worse.
but then, I met him. And at first I did everything I could to push him away, I was incredibly rude to him, I had up and down emotions with him, I yelled at him, I hated him, but nothing seemed to really push him away, he stuck around for me.
and that I wasn't use to, I slowly grew better as a person, learnt that the world did not revolve around me, and there were infact other people, I learnt to try and put myself in others shoes.
i lost all my friends, and I was alone, but not lonely. If that makes an sense.
so now, that I'm older and I guess a little smarter I feel better and I believe that it was good that I had those alone moments in my life because it taught me many things.
i was drunk that's why I'm rambling about my life problems, I shouted the lyrics to sex on fire, while Timothèe drove, it was a 1998 covetable the roof was down my hair was flying behind me timmy had his hand securely on my thigh while he drove, he wasn't drunk but I was, and I'm a particularly bad drunk. I say and do the most stupidest shit, it's embarrassing.
I think we al know I've done some screwed up shit while being intoxicated.
but this time, I feel good. I feel free, I'm with Timmy and I feel safe.
By his side I feel amazing, he got the best out of me.
although what I was yet to find out was that Timmy had some weed, and he was planning on smoking some when we got back.
"so, remember the first time you smoked weed." i said chuckling at the memory. "yes, and we will not be visiting the memory."
so let's visit the memory. "Timmy are you okay?" i ask, his eyes are looking sleepy, and he's slouching by my window after blowing the smoke out.
