A Court of Love and Family

Chapter 18

CW: R*pe and S*xual violence is mentioned

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Nyx just looked at her as she removed the necklace, letting the sweet scent of her pregnancy fill the room, and revealing her very swollen belly. They had moved down to the living room.

"Please... Don't look..." Evalyn said and placed her hands on the table. "It... It is hard enough without someone staring." Nyx looked up to meet her eyes.

"So... Why?" He asked, trying to understand what had happened to make her conceal this for so long. Gina's guesses from the night before came to mind... Nyx swallowed and he started to put the pieces together.

"Nine months ago, I was in the Dawn Court, visiting my father and at the same time doing some work on healing Peregryn wings. On my last night there, there was a party. Or, a feast may be a more suitable word for it. I... I started to make out with a male, but... But he started to be too rough for my taste..." Her voice choked and Nyx could only hold his breath.

"When I asked him to back off and told him that I didn't want to go any further, he pressed on, and... I am still not sure how... He pressed me to the ground. He took off my clothes... And he raped me." Evalyn held her eyes on Nyx as she spoke, every word was like a dagger to his skin. "I didn't try to fight him off, or scream, or call out for help. I didn't do anything. I just froze up, and let him do that... And with the music and the party... No one could have heard me anyways. I am not sure how long it took before he was done, or how long I was left there on the ground alone before anyone found me. Luna was not allowed to come, for obvious reasons, Kira was back in Velaris... I... I was alone." Nyx didn't know what to say.

"I am regarded as one of, if not the most powerful healer alive. Madja and my mother have speculated that I might even have the power to bring back the dead. But that comes at a high cost. I can't, literally can't, get hurt." She picked up one of his dangers from the table and before Nyx could respond, she pressed it against her skin. But instead of blood seeping out and a cut forming, her skin closed behind the knife as she was dragging it over her skin. No scar, no blood... Nyx drew a breath again.

"No tonics work on me. Not to dull any pain, no contraception... And no tonic that can end a pregnancy." Evalyn went silent. Tears were falling from her eyes onto her cheeks before continuing down her neck. "I... I didn't have a choice. My body, my magic, took that away from me... I tried. Trust me Nyx, I tried in more ways than you can imagine, but nothing helped... My mom tried..."

"Who... Who knows?" Nyx then asked, hoping she wasn't alone.

"My mother told Luna what had happened and she came by... Finding me..." Her voice died out and her mind opened up... I tried to kill myself... Just to not be forced to do this... The words entered his head. Clear and strong. Nyx took her hand on instinct, holding it in a firm grip. "Kira knew shortly after... Feyre knows... Madja.. But beyond them no one. Mom made one of these charms for me to keep it hidden from the rest, and from me. But wearing it has its price." The memory of Nesta vomiting in a bowl, the tired eyes of Evalyn...

"The normal symptoms get multiplied... And then... when it starts to show... Instead of the normal more gentle pushes, it feels like stabbing. Everything hurts all the time... And I know, I could just stay inside, wait it all out... But that... That feels more like hiding than this..." Evalyn was still crying, her hand still in Nyx's.

"Evalyn..."

"I... I travelled here to get away for a moment. To learn more about Illyrians, yes, but mostly to get away." She looked down to her belly. "Nine months... Almost ten... And I still don't know what to do when it is time... If I can keep it, give it away... Handle the pain... Handle the sorrow." She wiped away some of her tears, taking her hand back from Nyx, who still had not moved.