Coldest War (War Series #2)

Chapter 27

#war2wp

Chapter 27

Hate

Everything that happens in the present always has a bearing on what the future will become. 

That's one of the things that younger people wouldn't understand unless they get to experience it first hand. Ang mga ginagawa, iniisip, at sinasabi natin ngayon, pwedeng may maging epekto— una, sa atin, at pangalawa, sa ibang mga tao. 

Hiel has always been the silent type. Bata pa lang siya, hindi na niya iniinda ang mga bagay na ginagawa o sinasabi sa kaniya ng ibang tao. Kung kaya niyang itago, itinatago niya. Kung kaya niyang sarilinin, sinasarili niya. 

A strong person can withstand that. Iyon bang hindi na lang magkukuwento dahil kaya namang resolbahin nang mag-isa ang lahat. But such a person is still human— and humans always have a breaking point. 

Nauubos. Napapagod. Nauupos.

"Why?" nag-aalalang tanong ko kay Hiel nang lapitan ko siya at hawakan ang magkabila niyang mga balikat, sinusubukang tingnan ang mga mata niya. "Hiel," I call. 

But he's not raising his head to look at me. Nakatakip pa rin ang mukha niya gamit ang kanang kamay at nakayuko kaya't hindi ko makita nang malinaw ang mga mata niya. 

"Hiel," I call, trying to catch his gaze. 

Nagulat ako nang hilahin ako ni Hiel palapit sa kaniya para sa isang maluwag na yakap. My chin lands on his left shoulder and I immediately blush.

Tahimik ang buong bahay at wala akong marinig na kahit anong ingay maliban sa paghinga naming dalawa. Medyo madilim dahil may mga ilaw kaming hindi nabuksan dahil balak na manuod ng isang movie.

Pero ngayon. . . mukhang hindi na matutuloy pa ang balak naming dalawa. Mukhang hindi na rin namin makakain at maiinom ang mga pagkaing inihanda ko. But I don't care about any of that anymore. I care more about what's happening with Hiel.

"Hiel?" I stutter. 

I can hear his breathing— it is ragged and it sounds like he's trying to control it. Nakahawak ang kaliwang kamay niya sa braso ko, mahigpit pero sapat para hindi ako masaktan. Slowly, I raise my left arm and hold the back of his head to slightly hug him. 

Malambot ang buhok ni Hiel. I can't remember the time I hugged him like this— like I'm consoling him. I caress his hair and I feel Hiel loosening up a bit, like what I did helps him calm down.

"Are you okay?"

Hindi sumagot si Hiel. Mabagal ang paghinga niya at pakiramdam ko, nahihirapan siyang kontrolin 'yon. I want to look at his eyes to see what's happening to him but with his firm hold on my arm, I feel like he needs a hug more than anything. 

Tiyak na kung magtatagal kami sa puwestong 'to, mangangalay ako.

"No," Hiel whispers, and I didn't expect his answer. 

Sa mga lumipas na mga araw, kapag tinatanong ko kung kumusta siya, mabilis parati ang sagot niya at parang praktisado ang bawat sagot. He always tells me that he's fine... and although I know that his answer wasn't entirely true, I still didn't expect him to answer a 'no.'

I realized that whenever we ask that question— 'are you alright?'— we are not really ready for a 'no.' No matter how obvious it is that the other person isn't alright, we wouldn't expect other answers beside 'I'm fine.' And I feel awful for not being able to say anything because I didn't expect him to admit that he isn't.