After The End: Book 2

23. Conflict in Friends

Naomis POV

I wondered if there was ever going to be a day when I started to deserve any part of Louis. We were officially done now. Louis had made that clear and yet he was bending over backwards to accommodate me as a part time parent. He wasn't asking me to have a concrete plan, and he was letting me see my child daily even though I'd walked out and royally screwed him over. Once we'd initiated contact again, he'd taken to sending me constant updates on his well-being during my absence. I was only seeing him a couple hours per day and I felt like Louis was rewarding me for the bare minimum. It felt weird.

Every day, I spent hours wallowing in self pity while I was away, just waiting for afternoon to roll around so that I could return to the baby. Me and Louis had tentatively agreed this would be the plan for at least a week while we both calmed down. Then we'd talk about what to do next. Neither of us wanted to consider what was to come after. If we didn't talk about it, it was like it wasn't real. In the mean time I was meeting with a doctor to try an address how hard I'd crashed in the last several months.

In the crib below me, Oliver was already asleep for the night. That meant in a few minutes I'd be needing to force my feet to walk out of the flat and away from my baby. This was the worst part. Staying at Louis just wasn't an option and I couldn't very well take him with me after my disappearing act. I knew Louis was taking on so much more responsibility in this arrangement. It was maddening.

Lux peeked her head in the doorway behind me and said a soft greeting. She had  arrived at dinner with Harry and she'd created what was the least awkward dinner so far since we'd stepped into the new arrangement. Lux could break almost any tension. We hadn't discussed anything related to the separation and although she surely knew, Lux made no move to acknowledge it.

"Hey," I returned the greeting.

"How are you really?" She asked wandering into the room with a sympathetic look.

"I'm okay," I lied. "I'm assuming Harry told you everything?"

Lux shook her head. "I just got the basics."

I shrugged looking back over the crib and running my fingers soothingly through his soft light hair. I watched what little conscious tension remained loosen from his eyes. "The basics are probably pretty comprehensive," I admitted. "It wasn't a good time."

Lux bit her lip as if unsure how to talk to me. We'd been so weird in the last few months. She was excited about the baby but she'd quickly learned she wasn't really a baby person. Since things between me and Louis started to get bad, she'd withdrawn. I couldn't expect her to do otherwise. I'd encouraged her to work with him and she'd found success. Complicating our relationship to include my issues with him would have put her in an impossible situation. Still, it had been like losing my only ally. I didn't even want to think about how hard I'd made things for Harry. I'd failed him as a friend where he'd stepped up for me. I'd failed everyone.

"I heard you're getting help though," Lux said hopefully. "That's good. You're doing the right thing. Therapy and all of that changed Harry's life."

"I've still made quite a mess of things," I said feeling my eyebrows knit together in emotion.

Lux grabbed my hand and pulled me towards herself. "Messes can be cleaned up, Love."

After she embraced me for a moment, she stepped back and kept her hands on my shoulders. She looked me up and down apparently judging my condition before allowing a small smile to play onto her lips.

"What?" I asked confused.

She just rolled her eyes and led me out of the room and into the bathroom. I looked at her quizzically but she just pulled out the drawer and produced the haircutting shears she had used to cut Harry's hair the year prior. I sighed in relief.