Quiet Not Innocent | ✔︎

Chapter 45:

A S P E N ♡ W I L S O N
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A huge wave of deja vu washes over me as I struggle to get out of Saint's tight hold.

I was under him, quite literally. His head rested inches below my breasts and he had this lazy smile on his face as he slept, using me as his personal pillow like it was nothing. It was like a pretzel, the way our legs were intertwined. Because of that, I was having severe difficulty getting out under him.

"Saint," Poke. "Saint," Poke. Poke. Poke. "Wake the fuck up before I slap you." Poke. Poke.

He doesn't respond to my threat other than the little shuffle he does, a light snore leaving his mouth before placing one of his hands on my thigh.

I sigh, giving up. I guess I'll wait until he's awake to leave. But this is a bit awkward for me.

The only way I can get comfortable is for me to scoot back into the headboard and lift my upper body up so I'm more in a sitting position. Saint moves with me, sprawled across my lap and clinging on to me like a touch-starved man.

It makes me laugh, my index finger going to his cheek to poke it slightly. He's adorable when he's sleeping. I stare down at his face, finding it remarkable to look at. If there was anything I wouldn't get tired of, it'd be ogling Saint. He was easily the most beautiful guy I'd laid eyes on and I was a sucker for the way he dressed himself.

My hand travels to his hair and I run it through his locks a few times, liking the feel of his silk-like strands. We've talked about his hair a few times. He used to use a freaking 2 in 1 Shampoo and Conditioner, committing a social crime until I'd forced him to go shopping with me and change to get separate shampoo and conditioner. His hair was much healthier and better now.

I stay like that for a long while, just brushing my hand through his hair while looking down at his sleeping face in deep thought. I hope this isn't creepy. I'm not trying to be.

Read it, it'll help.

Saint's words are prominent in my head as I mull over my dad's journal. Will it really help? Or will it stir up some more drama and more secrets?

The thought makes a shudder break out against my skin. I wasn't ready to handle another secret. Not any time soon. I was sick of all the secrets and lies in my life and I wanted it all to be done with.

But in order to do that, I needed that journal and whatever bad news it may hold inside of it out of the way. I need to take the risk of getting my heart broken again if I want to close this chapter in my life.

I'm tired of feeling this way, questioning everything I ever knew and spending my days looking at things and being reminded of memories that held deeper meaning to it now than it did back then.

I'm going to do this. I can do this.

I take my hand out of Saint's hair for a quick moment to lean towards the nightstand and grab my phone. I quickly check the weather, thanking the heavens when I see that it wasn't too bad.

I could probably wear a coat and scarf and a pair of gloves and be fine with sitting out for a few hours. There wasn't any snow to be predicted until the late afternoon so if I got go the cemetery early, I could leave before the predicted snow came.