The Office Curve

Healing Waters

The disappointment on Kaim's face turns out to be much harder on me emotionally than my own emotional insecurities.

I look down at my feet, keeping the tears at bay.  I shouldn't have spoken so rashly.  I should have just gone with the flow.  I didn't mean to hurt him, I really didn't.  It's nothing against him - it has nothing to do with him.  After everything we've done in my bedroom, the time for modesty was long over.  But the mere thought of having a bath with him terrified me.

He may have seen every single inch of me, but I didn't like the idea of him seeing every inch of me stuck inside a little white tub, or ever worse, crushing him to bits because I'm stuck and can't move.

There are few things on this earth that incite my insecurities.  This is definitely a big one.

I don't have to look at him to know that he's crestfallen.  When he doesn't press this issue, I feel even worse.  "Oh...well, that's okay, too, I guess.  I just thought you might enjoy it..."

"It's not you, Kaim, I promise it's not you!" I insisted, upset with myself.  "Don't take it the wrong way.  I enjoy every moment we spend together, I really do."

"But," he offered quietly.

"But while I done many, many, many..."  I swooned remembered all of our various erotic antics.  "...many things, taking a bath with you can't be one of them."

Kaim closed the distance between us.  "Hmm - I see.  And taking into consideration all of the many, many things we've done, is there a particular reason why this is taboo?"

Words cannot express how stupid and timid I felt admitting this to him.  "Because I won't fit..."

"What's that?  You're murmuring, I didn't catch what you said..."

"Because I won't fit!"  Annoyance and shame - that's exactly what I felt for myself.  As the words bounced off the walls, I wanted to kowtow before him and admit my defeat.  On paper, it sounded ridiculous, but the aching of my heart told a different story.  "Tubs and I don't get along - don't get me started when another person is involved."

The last of my words faded away, and everything went real quiet.  I remained still, my eyes still on my feet, the faint sound of my beating heart in my ears.  There  - one of my few weaknesses was out in the open and just my luck, it might have cooled off an otherwise hot relationship.  I felt like letter out a stream of profanity, anything to release the periodic anger.  I was never bulletproof - I just got very good at acting like I'm the best when really I'm not.  But here, in this bathroom, I realized that maybe I'm not as strong as I think I am.

...And then Gorgeous Blue Eyes began to laugh.

First, a stifled snicker.

Then, a laugh.

And then a hearty laugh, from the gut, the kind that makes your stomach and your sides hurt.

What the hell?

"You're laughing?" I sputtered.  I balled my hands into fits.  "You think this is funny?"

"No."  He laughed so hard, tears spilled down his eyes.   My anger grew even hotter.  "Okay, yes, I am, but it's so ridiculous."

"Ridiculous?"  Every last hair on my neck stood on it.  "You're laughing because it's ridiculous?"

"Okay, maybe not ridiculous, but it does seem silly.  Especially since it isn't - "

"My pain is not meant to be funny!" I roared, two seconds away from punching him in the face.  He was still Gorgeous Blue Eyes, but right now, he looked damn ugly to me right now.  "What, is this a game to you?  A source of amusement?  A ridiculous curiosity?  Well, I'm so glad that you finding it amusing because I sure as hell don't."