Young Royals, The Break.

Simon

I'm at home, sitting on the couch with Rosh and Ayub. We're watching old Christmas movies and eating the cookies we made earlier.  Mum is working, and Sara is off somewhere hanging out with Felice, which is something she has been doing a lot of recently. I'm not paying attention to the movie, not because I don't want to, but my mind is occupied with something else. Someone else.

I'm waiting for him to message me, call me or even like one of my Instagram posts. But nothing, nothing in two weeks. I know its my fault that he hasn't reached out, I know that if I really want to talk to him I should just say something, break the silence. But I can't, I physically can't because every time I write up a message and I am about to send it. I stop. I freeze. I delete the message and go back to doing whatever I was doing before.  I want to talk to him, he is my life, my everything, but that just isn't how the world works is it?

"Yo, Bro you good. You look like you're of in a different universe?" asks Ayub. Rosh nods along agreeing with him.

"Yeah, yeah, all good" I reply.

"Okay, if you say so" Rosh says. She turns to Ayub and gives him a look, which tells me she knows I'm not good, she knows what's going on, that I'm thinking about him.

He loves me, I know he loves me. He told me to my face right before break, before he got in that stupid car and drove away. I told him to have a good Christmas. I should have said I loved him too, I should of kissed him in front of everyone at Hillerska. Or I could of ran after the car, stopped it. At least then I would be happy. He would be Happy. He would be mine and no-one else's. Mine, all mine. But no, for some unfathomable reason I couldn't do it. I couldn't be brave, I let him go and now I may never get him back.

The Love of my Life is gone. The Love of my life, doesn't know I love him back. How could I be so stupid. The words really aren't that difficult to say. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. But he can't hear me and he probably never will.