Swallowed in the Sea

Breathe

   There must have been something cursed about any flight between LA and Seattle because I was never at ease during every single flight. Every. Single. One.

   If I was being honest, this flight might have been the most bearable so far. While I was sitting in a pool of panic, worry and fear, I was also in this strange state of numb.

   I was very familiar with numb. All sort of it. I had felt the kind of numb that came with sadness and grief. The kind of numb that followed a high. The kind of numb that came along with the buzz of happiness.

But this was a new kind of numbness, it was unlike anything I've felt before.

   I wasn't sure how to properly convey the feeling. The only thing I could think of was that if blurry was a feeling, this would be it.

   The three-hour flight felt like three minutes and yet it also felt like it lasted three days. The details of what happened during it were also hazy. I could remember them but it was like I was being told what happened as if I hadn't actually lived through them.

   When we finally did touch down in LA, I vaguely remember being lead through the steps that I had gone through on multiple occasions. I felt like I wasn't even in my body, but that I was instead watching myself.

   Just like before, Sam met us at the airport but I made no move to go greet her. She must have understood to a certain extent because she didn't look hurt. Or she was good at masking it.

   I didn't question anything when we got into Sam's car. They could have taken me anywhere and I wouldn't have protested. I didn't speak, even when I barely comprehended that someone was talking to me. Truthfully, I probably wouldn't even move if I wasn't prodded by Arizona or Callie to do so.

   This blurry kind of numbness that had wrapped its way around me suddenly disappeared however when we didn't arrive at Sam's house, the destination I thought we were headed to.

We were at a hospital.

"The luggage," I disorientedly mumbled and Arizona who was sitting next to me gently rubbed my back.

"It's in the trunk," Callie told me but that wasn't what I meant.

   It was shockingly Sam who understood what I was trying to say.

"It'll stay in the car until we get back home," Sam told me, "Then you can unpack...I thought you might have wanted to come here first."

   I nodded but didn't say anything as I diverted my eyes to the building. It was big. Bigger than Seattle Grace. It was different too. Scarier. It wasn't scarier because it was bigger though.

   It took a while before Sam found a parking spot and it was only when she parked the car that the severity of my situation dawned on me.

   I abruptly stopped breathing when panic overwhelmed me. Suppressing the urge to break down into tears, I began to shake uncontrollably.

"Hey...hey, look at me," Arizona smoothly turned my head so that I was facing her. She placed her hands on either side of my face and with her thumbs, quickly wiped away the few tears that had escaped from my eyes.

"You're okay," Arizona whispered, "Deep breathes...you're okay..."

   I closed my eyes and tried my best to follow Arizona's instructions. In...out...I was okay. It was going to be okay.

   A few minutes passed before I opened my eyes and I gave a weak nod.

"I'm ready."

~~~