Swallowed in the Sea

Beyond The Sea

As much as I didn't want to, I pulled myself out of bed the next day and went to school without any words of complaint.

I wanted to complain and whine and beg...but I didn't.

I kept my mouth shut.

I did that day in and day out.

It was mind-numbing truly. I tried to keep to myself back at the apartment too, deciding that it would just be easier to keep the truth from Callie and Arizona that way. I could tell they noticed my withdrawal from them but they didn't say anything.

I think they wanted to give me space.

LA was a hard hit.

Time passed oddly fast but incredibly slow at the same time when you threw yourself into a loop. This merry-go-round was endless and it felt like there wasn't a way off of it.

Logically, I knew that I could just press the stop button and hop off but it wasn't as easily done as it was said.

So I stayed on the desensitizing ride and before I knew it, winter slowly dissipated while spring took its place.

"Are you going to the party this weekend?" Ila wasn't really looking at me as she spoke, her attention focused on someone else who sat across the cafeteria.

I shrugged, "I wasn't invited."

"Everyone was invited," Ila gave me a pointed look and jabbed her fork at me, "You should come...we should go together! It'll be fun."

"Right...lots of fun," I grumbled and began picking the crust off my sandwich.

Ila raised an eyebrow at my low mood, "Who put bees in your bonnet?"

"No one," I sighed and clenched my jaw, "I just really don't want to be in school right now."

Ila hummed softly and directed her attention back to whoever she was looking at before. It was only for a split second before she cautiously looked back at me.

"Is everything okay?" Ila's voice was soft and for a moment, it reminded me of the way Arizona or Callie might speak to me when they were unsure of how I was feeling, "I mean, I know you said that it was a rough holiday break with your mom and all but you haven't really been the same since we came back."

Not everything was okay, but mostly everything was okay, so I could learn to get comfortable with that, couldn't I? I've been in worse positions before and things turned out all right so I could deal with whatever this was.

"Yeah, I'm just tired," I faked a yawn, "I stayed up all night studying for that bio test."

Ila groaned, "Don't even remind me."

~~~

I doubted that any amount of studying could have prepared me for the test. I didn't even remember hearing any of the terms come out of my teacher's mouth.

"That was brutal," Ila voiced my thoughts as we walked out of class together.

I nodded, "I second that."

I knew without a doubt that I failed. If Ila was admitting that something academically related was brutal, then I didn't stand a chance.

"So...the party," Ila decided to change the topic so I rolled with it, "Are you coming?"

"Depends," I bit my lip, "Are you going?"