Superman

Chapter 28 (The Finale - part 2)

~Marshall's P.O.V.~

      After many hours, she's finally gone to sleep. I sit at the foot of the bed, watching her. In truth I am scared to sleep. What if something happens while we're both unaware? I cringe away at the thought. A few nights ago my deepest fear became reality. I couldn't protect her like I promised I always would. Now she has those damned scars on her body. It causes physical pain in my chest knowing who put them there. How could someone do something so awful to her? She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to live the rest of her life marked by the devil. I hate him.
      Looking at her is heart wrenching. She looks so young and breathtakingly pretty when she sleeps. But then those awful scars. I close my eyes and turn away, the taste of pennies once again teasing my mouth. I have to get out of this room. Following my instincts I walk out of the bedroom and into the front room. Its cold out here. Different from the warmth there seemed to be in my room.
      I shuffle around looking at the shelves. I see old stacks of paper where I wrote down scribbles of songs as they came to mind. Next to them is my stereo, with Rachel's mixed CD in it. I listen to it everyday. It reminds me so much of her. I slide my fingers across the buttons and press down on play. Turning the volume low so only I can hear, November by Sadistik begins to play. It's the last song on the tape, I listened to nearly all of it.
      The lyrics to the song are saddening. The tears prey on my eyes yet again. Thoughts of Rachel on Christmas drift back into my mind. Everything we've been through plays in a montage with this slow accompaniment of her CD. I sink to the floor, clutching my chest trying to relieve the pain.

Sometimes I can't handle the cold, I'll break another heart too fragile to hold...

     Shit. Here it comes. I hit the rewind button and start the song over, this time letting it all out. I rest my head back against the wall with water drenching my collar bones. This isn't my usual type of crying. This is a heaving I-can't-breathe type of crying. Suddenly I find myself gasping for air between every tear. The clenching in my chest worsens and I'm drowning.I need something, or someone. But she doesn't need me. I'm bad for her.

"No..." I whisper as more tears come and the song ends again.

      I hit the replay button for the second time. What am I gonna do? I bury my face in my hands as I try to keep quiet. He can't get away with this. I have to find him. In an instant my tears of sadness turn to tears of hate. I look at my palms. They're normal. They should be bruised and cut. I should've beaten him to death that night. But no, there is no blood on my hands. Just Rachel's on his. Stop, please. I beg myself to stop crying but another wave comes.
      Once again November has ended and I flip back for the third time now. I remember when I first told her. When the words "I love you" first came out of my mouth. It wasn't just the first time I'd said it to Rachel. It was the first time I'd said it to anyone. Dammit. I curse myself as more tears soak me. She was so innocent back then. I was her first for everything. And now it is because of me that she lays in bed with those horrid things littering her beautiful body. If I hadn't spoken to her that first night in the bar, if I hadn't pursued her at all, she would be safe and sound. But is it worth it? You love her. Do you regret it? My subconscious asks with sudden interest. Of course not. Never. I need her with me. Always.
November ends for the fourth time but this time I press 'stop'. I sit there against the wall breathing. Tears still fall but less of them now. An instantaneous spell of exhaustion wafts over me and it's time to rest. I don't get up right away, I sit against the wall. Broken, fallen, beaten, and numb I sit. Hopefully this pain will lessen. I want it to end. And in this moment I don't know what exactly I want to end. I want everything over. I want Rachel and I to be able to live and be happy. I want Rachel.
      I stand from the ground, my knees cracking out of their folded position. Slowly, I make my way back down the hallway to the bedroom. I stop in the doorway, looking at her in the bed. So beautiful. My heart contracts again, threatening more tears. I walk to the bed and sit at the foot like before. Rachel shifts and her arms are revealed to me. Bandaged from the wrist to the elbow and cuts and bruises all on her knuckles. The sight of it pushes me over the edge. I can't bear this any longer. Before I can stop myself, I nudge her shoulder lightly.