A Leap of Faith

Without You

Chapter 21

“Without You”

Note :The words written in italic were the conversation they had in the past.

It had been a few months since Ross left for China and ever since then, there was no day that went by without Ross fulfilling all his promises he made for Rachel. They talked everyday as he had promised and they exchanged emails to each other as often as both of them could. Rachel would fill the emails with the pictures of their kids and even though he still missed her and their kids terribly, seeing the pictures somewhat always made his days better. His family was one of the reasons he was working this hard. He wanted to provide only the best for his family, which was why this grant mattered so much to him. This was a huge stepping stone for his career in which he hoped someday would lead him to get more recognition in his field and eventually, promotions.

It was hard, being apart from his family was harder than he could’ve possibly thought. Making himself busy with his research was the only thing he could do to stop himself from taking the first plane back to New York and going home, it was the only way to keep him sane. He had occupied himself most of the time on the fields, trying to get the feeling of homesick out of his mind.

He had been to China before in the past for a month - that time when he met Julie, before he and Rachel were even a thing. He was homesick back then, but nothing could’ve compared the feelings he had right now. No matter how hard that month seemed, now that he looked back, it was nothing compared to this. He was struggling right now, not only because of the language barrier and the fact that he had to adjust his life in a foreign country, but mainly because he was missing his family so much.

What killed him most was probably the fact that he was missing so much of his children’s life.

He once almost came into a breakdown one night when Rachel called to tell him that Ben had done wonderful in his school’s play. Ben’s school was reenacting ‘Snow White’ for this year’s school play and Ben was casted as the prince. He never would’ve understood where his son got his acting skill, but apparently Ben did a really wonderful job at the school’s play that according to Rachel, everyone was praising him. His girlfriend had beamed in pride as she retold the story. She gushed about how cute Ben was when the little boy had kissed the princess, his cheeks blushing profusely. She told him that Chandler got everything in the camera and apparently all of their friends had come to show the boy’s their support and even bought the boy flowers and gifts. Ross knew he should’ve probably felt happy for his son and thankful that their friends were there when he couldn’t be there, but he couldn’t help feeling a slight pang in his chest for missing Ben’s first play.

He missed another milestone of his children’s life and no matter how hard Rachel tried to assure him that she had everything on tape for him to see when he got back home, it didn’t make it any better. That was why he kept burying himself in his work, trying his best to ignore how his chest felt tight every time he thought about his family. But then nights came and things only got worse at night.

He would lay wide awake in the middle of the night, tossing and turning as he thought about his family he left back home and thinking if somehow he had made a wrong decision by coming here. He thought a lot about his family and friends a lot. He thought about how Monica and Chandler were doing. The last time he called them was on Thanksgiving, they were telling him the news that they were having a baby. Ross was extremely happy for them, he was glad they finally got what they asked for even if it through an adoption. He knew they’d love that baby just like their own and he would do the same too. Monica and Chandler would make a really great parent, he just knew it.