The Book Thief 》Hemmings A.U

31.00

     "WHAT DID CALUM do?" I say, louder this time as my panic begins to take over. Why would he hurt Lucy if he cared about her so much?

     "Not Calum," She whispers, turning over so that she can face me. Her eyeliner runs down her cheeks in streaks, smudging and making a mess on her blankets as she disregards it and lets it stain the sheets. "I didn't call you because...because after I called Luke and he didn't answer, I figured there was no point. I'm to blame for what happened and you're so perfect, something like this would never happen to you because you're smart, you're responsible. You're not a stupid slut." Lucy trails off, inhaling sharply.

      "Neither are you, Luce. You're the smartest person that I know, and there's nothing wrong with liking se.x-"

     "Sometimes there is. Se.x was my thing, you know? It was something that I knew I was good at and then I stopped because of Calum and it was okay. I mean, it's Calum. I love Calum."

     "What's wrong with loving Calum?" I question instead of asking if Calum knew that; wondering where all of this was coming from.

     "Nothing. But loving him doesn't stop me from making mistakes." She says in a broken voice, blue eyes incessant with their watering.

     "What happened tonight, Lucy?" I mumble, my concern not at all diminishing as her cryptic comments carry on.

     "Do you remember John, from the party we threw?" I nod and she pauses, breathing erratic. "Well, I went to a party after we got off the boat and John was there. He kept bothering me the entire night, and after Cal told him to fuck off he did, for a while. But then Calum...Calum went to pick up another keg and John came back and," Lucy stops, shutting her eyes tightly as she tries to ward off the oncoming tears. "Kens, I can't." She whispers, bringing her shaking hands to her face, shielding herself away from me.

     // trigger warning via mentions of se.xual assault and slut shaming; please proceed with caution or not at all if you think you'll be negatively effected //

     "I'm here, Lucy. I'm not going anywhere." I say firmly, moving closer to her but being careful not to touch her.

     "I know." She says in a broken voice, shaking her head. "Okay, so, John said that he needed to lie down because he drank too much, so I went to help him. We just went in a random room and I was going to drop him off and go back downstairs since Cal would be coming back. But he said that he needed to talk to me. And I didn't want to leave him all drunk and emotional, so I sat down with him. Go figure, he didn't actually want to talk." Lucy says, laughing bitterly as she wipes at her face.

     "He...he tried to kiss my neck and his hand went up my skirt, to get to my underwear. I pushed him away from me and he started yelling and he said, 'Oh, but, you're such a slut. You fucked the entire soccer team, most of the school too, right? Why am I any different?'" She stops again, hiccuping from her tears and I want to reach out to her but I know that I can't. I realize that I have no idea how to comfort her, how to offer support, without using touch. Words were an alternative but right now, they seemed useless.

      Words had never failed me; they always guided me and translated perfectly because deciding what to say was never a problem. But tonight, I was at a lost.

     "I told him that just because I had se.x before didn't mean that I was obligated to have se.x then. That I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested. But he didn't listen. He was stronger than me, so there wasn't anything that I could do." Lucy stops, looking back at me. Her blue eyes scan my face, searching for some kind of judgment, but she doesn't find any. I would never do that, especially not to her. "He forced himself on me and then he left and Calum came back but...I wouldn't talk to him or tell him what happened. I didn't want to tell anyone but I needed Luke to pick me up and just be my brother, I guess. But it's my fault because if I weren't such a slut, he wouldn't think that it was okay. I shouldn't have made the mistake of going to that party or drinking or going upstairs with John I just-"